Losing
the Realm Worker
Blues
By Joep Claessens
It’s been almost a year since I dropped out of Keahak (XIII), Crimson Circle’s year-long program of bi-weekly channels from Adamus. It had been building for a while, but I found it hard to let go, as the program was near and dear to me, ever since I was a part of Keahak I. But Adamus just kept going on and on about metaphysics, one channel after another, a topic that never particularly interested me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why Adamus has been using the Keahak platform to add that information to mass consciousness. Like Jami – future human 2044 – mentioned in his contribution to Metaphysics of the Merlin, his parents will find this specific information in about 2030, helping to kick off their awakening, as well as his. And no doubt, there will be many others for whom this journey is a metaphysical one, more than a spiritual one. Me, I simply never saw the practical applicability of any of the metaphysical concepts Adamus introduced to us. Call me an old-fashioned, more spiritually inclined Shaumbra, if you will.
It wasn’t just Keahak, I also stopped watching the Shouds broadcasts. I didn’t feel that what Adamus was reflecting back to Shaumbra helped me anymore on my journey. I mean, how many times can you tell someone to ‘just allow’ and expect a different result? It definitely wasn’t working for me, for whatever reason. For me ‘allowing’ had become just another word for ‘waiting’: it is not there yet, but just wait and it will show up, eventually. Well, I can’t say it did, at least not until now.
At the time I didn’t really realize what was going on. I just felt I had come to the end of a long road that started somewhere in the late eighties, early nineties. After 30+ years of being on the path, the last 22 with Crimson Circle, I was mostly disappointed and felt I had very little to show for all I went through, shedding old identities, integrating aspects, and losing just about everything on the way to ascension.
I also felt that Adamus was shifting his attention more and more to a new audience. As the song goes, ‘there’s a new kid in town,’ and it made me realize it might be time to move on, leave the Shaumbra family behind and strike out on my own. I have been sucking off the tit of Shaumbra, of Crimson Circle long enough to know that in the end it’s about becoming a sovereign being. There comes a point where the Shaumbra ‘groupthink’ only holds you back, or so it seemed.
It was a weird experience though, not having the Keahak channels or the monthly Shoud to look forward to anymore, not to mention that I also dropped out of Facebook, so no more Shaumbra social media interaction. But all that allowed me to turn within and feel deeper into what was going on. There definitely was lots and lots to feel, like my disappointment about what the journey had brought me, and the sadness about distancing myself from my spiritual family that had been such a big part of my life for more than two decades. It was painful, but underneath all that I also found a void that I hadn’t noticed before, a void that over the course of this year turned into a deep depression, another dark night of the soul (oh no, not again!).
The problem was, of course, that I could only be mad at myself, for I was the one who signed up for this at some level. I guess it must have seemed a good idea at the time. But it sure made me mourn the version of me that never was and the list of regrets I came up with could fill a whole article.
Next came the bargaining part, mixed in with a deep feeling of depression. It got to the point where I was ready to pack it in and cross over. My human petitioned All-of-Me to put me out of my misery and be done with it, as I didn’t see how anything ahead could make up for all those years of zombie life. My idea was to check out and come back in a hundred years or so for one more, final lifetime, preferably a Kuthumi kind of lifetime. It seems so much more fun to reach realization when you’re about twenty years old, like Kuthumi was, and then spend a few decades on Earth as an embodied Master. I also made it clear that I didn’t want any obligations, like being called upon to bench or shine my light. I just wanted it to be an easy and fun last lifetime, with no strings attached, unlike the present one has been.
Of course, that didn’t happen, or I wouldn’t be writing this article. Apparently, my Master Self and Soul have other plans, so my human self was out-voted, alas.
And then a couple of months ago it shifted once again. By allowing myself to feel all the above – the disappointment, the sadness, the anger, the regret, the depression, my death wish – I finally, magically came to a point of acceptance. Suddenly, a lightness came into my life, together with a serious ‘fuckital’ attitude. Something along the lines of “I’m done waiting. I just don’t care anymore whether I reach full realization in this lifetime or not. Let’s just make the most of it in the years I have left.” I guess you could say that my definition of ‘allowing’ has changed again. I now take it to mean to not give a fig about what comes my way, embracing it all, and going with the flow instead of wishing, waiting and hoping for that life of my dreams to finally happen. Maybe I’m finally getting what allowing was all about to begin with?
It sure took the pressure off, not giving a hoot anymore. I still don’t feel the need to return to the fold, I still don’t tune in anymore. Maybe someday I will again, maybe I won’t. It doesn’t matter anymore, as I found within what I’ve been looking for outside of myself for so long.
I did listen to the Metaphysics of the Merlin sessions (to my relief no one talked about metaphysics at all in any of the channels; the title almost stopped me from signing up) and Future Human 2044 Jami’s two sessions were the ones I needed to hear. Knowing that in eight years’ time the big shift will finally happen sure helped me to reach the peace of mind I feel now. Even if I don’t live to see the day, the knowingness that humanity will soon reach that point we’ve been working towards for eons of time felt like a blessing. If I do make it to 2032, it’s the quiet world I would love to end up in. Or else the world of beauty. I’ll gladly leave the techno world, as I like to call it, to the Jami’s of the planet. In the meantime, be well, Shaumbies and remember to just allow, for Adamus’ sake!
Thank you so much for sharing! I was ( am still?) definitely there with the feelings of mourning everything that could have been while I was off completing my realm worker mission…
DITTO, thank you Joep!
Благодарю Вас!!! 🌹🌹🌹 С Новым годом 🎄🎄🎄🎄!
Obrigado Joep!
Adorei o seu artigo, valeu muito!
Thank you so much for sharing your story and thank you so much for being here. From one RW to another there’s nothing but love and gratitude for you here.
Dear Joep
Thank you so much.
Helps me now to understand……much better …
What I’m going through…..how I feel.
Blessings
Beate
I am there also. A deep dark depression that feels impossible to breathe with or be out of. Nothing helps.
Ne kadar benlik bir yazı , yalnız değilim
Thank you Joep. I’m so happy to see someone able to articulate what we’ve experienced not only the past 24 years as Shaumbra but also the past nearly two years as a retired RW. I never thought I’d feel the way I have and you summed it up perfectly.
Thank you, dear Joep for your beautiful and touching article. Some Keahaks ago Adamus described exactly what you do, he said something like it can be beneficial to leave Keahak and Shouds and go your own way. Perhaps come back later. It seems you are in good company 😁
Thanks so much for sharing – You wrote what I was thinking and feeling, especially in the last couple of weeks – and cleared a lot of weirdness – as a retired realm worker – and retirement at the same time as a musician – feeling deeply this void . Since a few days, I can feel and SEE the change.
This is, by far, the best article i have read, written by a TRUE MASTER – simple, humbling, no flowery language used to express your true feelings – I love it. It touched my heart. Brother, you are not alone.
Whenever Adamus talks about metaphysics, it leaves me with a sore head – do we really need to know the metaphysics of what’s going on around us? I LOVE Adamus to bits but it would be nice to invite KUTHUMI once in a while to address a Shoud.
Light and Love from South Africa.
Haha, that really touches me, Joep – how you first insist that allowing doesn’t work for you. And then you do the deepest, most self-loving, most masterful, most exemplary allowing ever – and show us that ultimately ONLY THAT works. Thank you for sharing this with us!
And by the way: I also switch off at Adamus’ metaphysics.
Hi, thankyou so much for putting it in words, the feelings you describe are kind of mine, too. I kind of withdraw from all the promises and halleluja, your life finally starts to be easy and enjoyable. I moved 300 km.s away from the town I lived in for 50 years, back to my childhood area. Expecting life to be ok. But it’s not. I’m 72, and I have to move again. I cannot live here. I love the area, not this particular place. Nobody’s fault but mine. I dod not want to see the red lights, no no, everything is lined up. Except it wasn’t. There I just pulled away from the dream that somebody watched over me. I know that somebody is me. I have to ask for help, admit I was wrong, find some place different, wait for who knows how long, and I am not wealthy in money. I rent, not buy. I have cried, denied, been angry, and also wanting to leave, all the things almost at the same time. Feeling cheated by life, and now I do not expect anything. I do not feel enlightened, just kind of numb. I’m going to listen tomorrow at the should, but expect nothing. But thankyou again for your honest words
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I feel often the same….
I said ” fuck it……I just give up. I don’t care anymore…….I just leap back into life…..and watch what happens. No dreans……no wishes……no waiting…..”.
I guess I did surrender……because there is no other way for me.
Thank you! I am going through exactly the same path. And as a worker of the Realms, I have lived almost 60 years.
I am happy to meet a friend on this path.
Thank you.
Ravil Matshin
You speak from my soul, even though I was not a Real Worker.
Thank you Joey I love your words.
Love your honesty and I can relate to some of it (I for my part LOVE metaphysics and consider myself an allround-worker 😁)! But isn’t it wonderful? Even if the road is filled with bumps and doubts for some time, in the end it always leads us Masters back to knowingness and trust.
We are all so needed here at this time, thank you for staying. Happy new year!
Suzanne
Dear
JOEP !
My name is Ravil.
I am from St. Petersburg, Russia.
My service as a Sphere Worker began when I was 10 years old. It is already more than 60 years.
I have walked the same path as you.
Now on the Ark of Merlin, the Blessed Saint Germain has started the Realms Worker Restoration Program. There are already 8 sessions.
I am giving you a link to this site.
https://merlinark.com/the-beloved-saint-germain-recordings/
Be Blessed!
Ravil
Can CrimsonCircle confirm that this ‘Restoration Program for Realm Workers’ is a Bona Fide St Germaine creation please.
Thank you.
John.
Dear Ravil
Thank you
Merlinark is great.
Hi Joep!
I could sooooo relate when you said “I now take it to mean to not give a fig about what comes my way, embracing it all, and going with the flow instead of wishing, waiting and hoping for that life of my dreams to finally happen.”
Thank you for your brave article, made me be more honest and understand my process of this last six months, all this e feelings of frustration, isolation, depression and regrets, and feeling like I’m on the verge of be enlightened or break into a million pieces. This helped me to release the gilt about my process and all those feelings. I’m still wondering how can I cope with all of this? I hope I find out how much further down the rabbit hole I will have to go.
Thank you so much for your article.
I am in the anger, depression, frustration, grrrr period yet. But your article is helping myself to understand it’s ok!! And, in this ok feeling, I am lighter and brighter.
Thank you!!
Querido Joep!
Obrigada por trazer sua experiência, pois eu passei algo muito similar e eu me culpava por abandonar o CC. Também senti que Adamus estava a dar atenção aos novos e eu estava me sentindo abandonada. Sem rumo.
Me preparei para deixar esse plano físico, mas também não aconteceu. Tentei voltar a viver como qualquer ser humano e foi um desastre. Me afundei no álcool.
Mas desde outubro algo mudou. E eu comecei a sentir alegria. Mas tanta alegria que explode o coração.
Eu comecei a ver os frutos do nosso trabalho nos reinos!
E nesse réveillon, eu estava sozinha, e eu vi e senti a luz chegando e tocando . Eu chorava e dizia: nós (trabalhadores dos reinos) conseguimos! Nós conseguimos!
Naquele momento mágico eu não tive dúvida que nosso trabalho deu certo e chegou a Terra!
Ontem fui chamada e convocada a voltar para o CC. Real! Vieram até mim e a ordem foi dada! E aqui estou lendo seu texto e sabendo que nesse último ano eu não estava sozinha. Havia outros trabalhadores dos reinos passando tudo que eu estava passando. Isso me tirou a culpa!
Gratidão querido!
Thank you! Once again a fellow Shaumbra is able to put into words what so many of us are experiencing. I read both Realm Worker articles before bed last night and was in tears of grief and laughing. The AEND. I am feeling the changes and the deep grief of no longer having my quest and the anger of what was given up in this life time to be a realm worker. I feel this deeply and also found myself not signing up for Keahak after many years of joining. Like you the meta physics just doesn’t float my boat for wanting to understand it. Just live it! I have been Shaumbra for 20 years. I do still join the Shouds but they no longer resonate in the same way. I have had the thought, as you stated, that it is an indication of stepping into my own sovereignty fully. But, still feel in between wanted the old sense of belonging and “learning” and then just taking that f it all pill and living my life my way. I have allowed and allowed and allowed. So, going to continue taking things one day at a time and in the present moment. As a former nurse who did many hospice and grief moments with my patients, I need to hospice myself (The Raven) into the transition of the new with caring and compassion. Grief is grief. It will eventually become less intense and different.
WOW!!!!! Very strong message! Whichever the road we walk on, we do become realized! Thank you for sharing this!
Hello Bro! Have been there many times, I feel you and hear you. There’s a sense of freedom that comes with knowing that sweeter times await us onwards even if to the world your a misfit, or the world goes on spinning its illusions forever
I enjoyed the simple and serene tone of your words. THANKS!
OMG, you wrote my story!! Love that you’ve found so many synonyms for F___ Off! HaHa!
I am not a Realm Worker, but I can relate to your article so much. I feel relieved to know others are going through something similar. I still listen to the Shoud and some channels, but they no longer resonate with me the way they once did. I’m also not interested in metaphysics. I have been nostalgic lately for the days of Tobias. When I first found Crimson Circle at the end of 2002, I remember feeling like Tobias was speaking right to me, like he was inside my head. I don’t feel that way anymore with Adamus. I think you are right that he has a new audience. As it should be, I guess. Life evolves and we all follow our own path…
🎁👍❤️thank you for sharing 🍏👍❤️
Ha Joep, het is toch heel iets anders of je een piraat wordt genoemd door Adamus, terwijl je in de groove van het groepsgebeuren verkeert, of dat je als feitelijke piraat open en bloot de weersomstandigheden van deze tijden weet te trotseren. Zo herkenbaar. Moedig ook!
Hi Joep, to be called a pirate within the group-context is something quite different from living the pirate life without the soothing mechanism. Congratulations!
Sorry, forgot to post my name
Thanks for the revelation! A lot of things are similar to mine, but “metaphysics” is like mysticism for me, like another dimension, and it’s interesting…. Also, a few of my friends are definitely workers in the fields, only they are very simple people living a simple life, I had to explain to them what is happening to them, that they are not really The patients seem to feel better.
¡Gracias! Querido compañero Shaumbra Joep, por ser capaz de describir lo que estuvimos sintiendo luego de saber que fuimos Trabajadores del Reino: el profundo dolor, enojo y frustración, la profunda tristeza y decepción por haber renunciado a tantas cosas en esta vida y haberlo perdido todo. En mi caso, por haberlo perdido todo, ahora siento que puedo “permitirme” ganarlo todo. La abundancia está fluyendo en mi vida, recuperé el amor que creí perdido y hasta terminé mi libro, con corrección incluida, que empecé en 2007. Soy una Shaumbra de 64 años y estoy en el Círculo Carmesí desde hace 20 años. Todavía me uno a los Shauds, que siguen resonando conmigo porque, desde el día 1, primero tengo las experiencias y luego las entiendo cuando llega el Shaud. Estoy entrando en mi propia soberanía por completo, ya no tengo nada que aprender, aunque a veces, algunos aspectos me descolocan. Pero lo entiendo cada vez más y vuelvo a mandar “a la mierda” a todo, vivo a mi manera, un paso a la vez, sintiendo TODO, sin juzgarme, con cariño y compasión por mí. Saludos a todos los shaumbras que entren aquí.
Thank you So much for writing all of this Joep. I can relate to so so much of it. I’ve been a part of Crimson Circle for 23 years. It really helps to see your whole reflection in front of me right now and to see that I’m not alone in feeling the ways that I do. I’m so glad you’ve gotten to feeling a lightness now with the rest of your days here! Thank you again.
Thank You! That was a good one! You where “Killing me softly with your words”, realy.
Dank je wel Joep,
Voor jou open en eerlijke belichting van je ervaringen.
Van m’n 30j al op het zoekerspad , overal wat..nu bijna 68j Adamus ontmoet een goed jaartje geleden.. Eindelijk eens met humor gebracht.. ik kan wat relateren op wat je vertelt.. echt met. dank daarvoor..
geniet van je leven.. grtjs uit Belgie
Ghilaine
I have the same thing going on, about 7 months ago I left the shambra groups, but my man was very bored and I was looking for something to listen to distract and entertain myself, even just to fall asleep. In fact my interests in regular showd or even movies were gone too. After a break I came back to showd, but not all of them are to my liking. Other material is out of the question, and after 2 x years of visiting it, I also left it feeling the desire to move on my own way.
Oh Beh Ahn, Master Joep
I couldn`t have said it better, oh my dear, dear bird of a feather…
Thanks for your candid and open sharing, Joep. Your thoughts and experiences mirror many of my own and it was very refreshing to read your article.
I can relate. Thank You!
Thank you. I too was pretty angry at all that I missed as a realm worker and I went through a year and more of mourning and have just now emerged from that experience. One of my biggest issues was loneliness until I was guided to just enjoy people more superficially and meet them where they are and enjoy life eating, drinking, making art, playing golf, writing stories, singing songs…….. no need to understand how they tick (eg religion or politics) just find common ground and enjoy. I’m gradually losing my realm worker blues and my fear of being “ seen”. I suppose I could be happy that we helped the planet survive but what a price we paid. Anyway it’s OVER and I have a great life now to enjoy. Allow. Relax. Enjoy. How hard can that be?
teşekkürler yanlız olmadığımı derinden hissettiren paylaşımın için evet bende oradaydım sevgiler
Merci pour ce partage d’un zombie à un autre.
I am amazed that CC has published an unbeatable article, I agree with every word of it. I say the above because in every YouTube video that I make a comment similar to the ones you have written, they ban my account, causing me harm. I lose my favorite subscriptions and my YouTube account and I have to start creating another account again, which seems to me to be an inelegant mistreatment. They only leave comments praising Adamus and Geoff.
My son, who is a young Shaumbra, has contacted several young Shaumbras, who share the opinions stated in this article, which may serve as guidance. These young people express that they have a hard time applying the teachings, either because of their age or because they do not see practical results.
Greetings and thank you very much. CC
The awe I experienced reading this beautiful article was surpassed only by the overarching and almost overwhelming feeling of gratitude. To you for writing it and to CC for publishing it. I would also like to thank the commenter who shared what Adamus had said about stepping away. PHEW! My whole life has been leading to this point (yes, even childhood), but it really started coming into focus in 1996 when an acquaintance told me about the Kryon, which lead to dear Tobias and the CC. I’ve been doing this for a loooong time and in the past six months or so I have arrived at exactly the same place you describe. Point for point. Kind of amazing. Will I step back now and then? Probably, especially in the next four years. And I am deeply and profoundly grateful to everyone at the CC for their dedication, commitment and love. But my feeling is, and has been for a while, that it’s for the newbies now. Time to pass the baton with the greatest love and compassion and empathy and gratitude. Time for me to say fukitall and embrace whatever comes and, most of all, enjoy my retirement. Thank you so very much.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️