By Jean Tinder

It’s been a little over two months since Heaven’s Cross, and the grand retirement from realm work has rightfully taken a lot of attention among Shaumbra. It was a huge commitment for so many people, and though I wasn’t a Realm Worker myself, I’ve been watching a lot of you figure out how to adjust to the new paradigm. However, that’s not the whole story – or even the main story – of Heaven’s Cross, and I am personally very interested in the implications of the veil dissolving. As a matter of fact, I’ve had a couple of very curious experiences relating to the new access to other levels of Self. 

Incidentally, I wish there was a better word for these parts of Self. Whether we call them layers, levels, strata, zones, aspects or facets, each word implies hierarchy and separation, and Self just isn’t like that. It’s more like the staves of an orchestral score. Each line of music is unique and expressed through a different instrument. Yet the overlapping, intermingling melodies make up a cohesive wholeness. To me, that’s what the Self is like. I can focus in on a single instrument, such as the human part of my experience, but the symphony of ALL of Me is constantly expressing, whether I’m paying attention or not.

Anyway, back to the story. For a long time, I’ve had a minor tickle in the back of my throat that causes an occasional cough. The severity often depends on my environment and it’s more annoying than problematic. I just need to hack now and then to “scratch” the itchy tickle. 

A few weeks ago, I was sitting quietly out in nature, just breathing and being present. You could call it a type of meditation, and I was enjoying the expanded feelings and sensations. Then, all at once, I sneezed, and that darn tickle started itching. 

I had just been imagining the energy template of my body, sort of seeing a humanoid “light grid” version of me standing in front and just to my left. (This is beautifully explained in the amazing book Application of Impossible Things.) When that tickle started up, I did not want to interrupt this lovely experience with a coughing fit. And with the awareness of that desire, something very strange took place. 

With my energy body standing there, I suddenly had the notion to see if I could stop the tickle at that level, rather than struggle to calm my physical throat spasms. My attention went directly to the energy body’s throat from which I plucked out… a feather! It was a substantial one, more like a writing quill than downy fluff, and its tip had been somehow embedded in my (energetic) throat. 

The amusement and surprise of picking a feather out of my imaginary body almost pulled me from my reverie. But I took another deep breath, relaxed, and stayed with it, intrigued with the creativity of my imagination. This had not been planned or thought out; my human awareness was simply watching, trying to keep up with and decipher the antics of some other part of me. 

Puzzling about what could have caused me to imagine a feather in my throat, all at once I realized the tickle was gone! The need to cough had disappeared, my throat had relaxed, and there was no itch to stifle. I took another deep breath (which could often be a trigger) and felt nothing but the soothing inrush of life. 

Remarkably, all these weeks later, the previously chronic tickle has not returned! Not even once. I still have no explanation for pulling an imaginary feather out of my throat, but something very real in my physical body changed in that moment. 

Eventually I realized that a big part of the experience was the immediate access to this other level of myself. My imagination clearly saw and interacted with the energetic template of my physical body, with no barrier but with lasting effect. The implications of this are mind boggling to me. 

Now, I’m not sure this is a technique for “fixing” body issues. There are a lot of factors in any physical imbalance, one of the biggest being the inherent self-rejection of seeing something as a problem. When I’m in opposition to anything in myself, nothing works very well. But the curious affair did provide me with firsthand knowledge of how effectively we can energetically create – and uncreate – a physical experience. 

I didn’t have an agenda of fixing something; I merely watched what was happening, directed from a different level of Me. The action originated from a simple desire unburdened by any beliefs about what was possible, impossible, right, or wrong with my body. In other words, for a moment, I accessed a level of my Self – a melody within the symphony of my soul – that is unencumbered by typical human limitations.

Maybe the human self is like the drummer in the band, sitting up there behind plexiglass banging away, setting the rhythm for the rest of the troupe but also not really hearing the music. Maybe with Heaven’s Cross, the plexiglass fades away, and the drummer can start noticing the strings and woodwinds and piccolos and so on. Or maybe, since this is the Time of Machines and technology, the whole orchestra is getting in-ear monitors so that everyone (in me) can finally hear the whole production! And that’s bringing a much sweeter harmony overall.

The other experience happened just a few days ago. I was in the middle of my morning walk on the treadmill, mostly zoning out, when out of the blue I felt a very sweet, familiar, and long missed presence. It’s been years since I felt… Tobias! And suddenly there he was, glowing in delight and making me cry. 

His brief visit was completely unexpected, and I noticed that he’s changed considerably (even blurting out, “You almost need a new name!”). Rather than the old familiar grandfatherly energy, he seems younger and full of vitality. Not like a young man, exactly, but somehow less old and a little more modern. That was curious to feel. 

The moment was short and sweet, but a while later I felt him again. This time I stopped what I was doing and opened up; he wanted to commune. It was a little like how we used to chat so long ago, but also different. Meet me in a new place, he said. I am here. But sink into yourself first. You’ll find me inside, not out here. Look through your inner “Tobias window.”

Look through my inner Tobias window?? Now there’s an interesting concept! It’s hard to imagine that everything and everyone exists within my energy, as Adamus has said many times. But having an inner “window” of perception through which I interact with others actually makes perfect sense. I see it like inner Zoom calls where I’m relating to everyone through individual viewscreens. 

With Heaven’s Cross we talk about the veil dissolving. But instead of a barrier falling away between the different parts of me, maybe it’s more accurate to imagine that they are all getting connected. Every part of me is on wireless now, instantly linked and available via my own inner WiFi (you know, my Wisdom Finder) network.

I didn’t expect to say this, but I am quite certain that Tobias is more available than ever, thanks to his own evolution and now the inner connectedness we each have thanks to Heaven’s Cross. He might give a few messages through his old buddy Cauldre (I haven’t discussed any of this with Geoff), but I feel that he’s eager to connect with ALL his old buddies – you! – via your own inner “Tobias window.” You don’t need a go-between anymore, and he – and Kuthumi and Adamus and Sart and FM and all our other friends – are more than willing to commune through this new inner WiFi network. 

Wait… network? Didn’t I did say it was like an orchestra? Maybe it’s a combination, a networked ensemble like “Playing for Change” where musicians connect all over the world to create beautiful performances (like this one). At any rate, I am excited to explore the potentials. Who might I be able to play with through those inner windows? What might I be able to create with immediate access to all my instruments and melodies? The possibilities are endless!

Now… what about that feather? Where did it come from and why the heck was it gagging me on a regular basis? 

Oof. It’s not easy being an angel in a human disguise. Time to quit choking on my own wings and let them unfurl.