✨AI Generated image ©Nina JF Gauss
A Divine Paradox
By Nina JF Gauss
Let me elaborate…
After the Heaven’s Cross opening in March, I received an internal memo that it would take me until about the end of August to integrate the incoming energies and balance everything out. And while the initial exhaustion and average of 10-12 hours of sleep every night eased off around May, other things drastically intensified, particularly the falling away of old structures and patterns. And just the last two months were something else. My mother fell in her garden, shattering her right arm and shoulder, needing four weeks in the hospital and now special care at home. During the same time another family member suddenly died of a heart attack, others were rushed to the hospital, and several are facing serious health issues. It’s like everyone around me is suddenly keeling over, creating huge shifts in the usual order of things.
With all this going on, I knew I needed to prepare myself for what was inevitably to come. Big changes were in the air, causing big fears and anxieties to bubble up, and I’ve had to constantly remind myself, “It’s all going to work out. I may not know how yet, but somehow it will work out.”
Family issues are not always just black and white; they come in many shades of grey. While there may be some rather difficult and challenging patterns, there are also many good and loving things we can experience with them. So, lately the question came up in me a lot, “Will I be okay without them?”
At the same time, while all of this was happening around me, I also felt a deep, inner calm; a sense of observational objectivity and neutrality about everything going on. I felt an acceptance of all that is, even while rushing about dealing with so many different things, taking care of my mother, running errands for her, buying food, and going to the hospital frequently. All of which triggered a few aspects that I observed gradually emerging from the shadows.
For example, I have a very filial aspect based on the idea that no matter how difficult they may have been at one time, one simply doesn’t abandon one’s elders when they are in need. I’ve been dealing with my own health issues and body pains over the last year, often feeling like I’m falling apart myself, yet here I am again, putting my own needs on the back burner to jump in to help, just like I have always done. This created a lot of internal conflict and exhaustion, while another part of me was simply observing it all.
Then one morning, Adamus suddenly popped in loud and clear: Receive everything. And I mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Not just the shiny, glittery, nice stuff. Everything. Whatever shows up now, be okay with it. Breathe.
It took me a few days to understand the underlying message, which was ultimately “Receive the change. It’s all yours.” (Although, on some days it feels more like, “Thanks, but keep the change.”) In other words, allow the re-ordering of things. Don’t fight it. Don’t battle with it. Allow it all.
Adamus’ words instantly calmed me down, and the aspects quieted as well. And with that, a funny thing happened. New alternatives emerged. My mother organized home help for herself, and it’s working out so wonderfully that I am no longer needed on a daily basis. Problem solved. And, after a bit of acting out, my somewhat arrogant “I am needed aspect” is now integrated.
With all this deeper understanding and clarity, I arrived at my designated point of integration and balance at the end of August. So, how’s that going?
A BRIEF RECAP
About 25 years ago, it felt like I was suddenly taken out of my human path, an arrested (human) development so to speak. In hindsight, that seems to be the time when the realm working mission started.
Any human aspirations, such as completing my studies with a PhD, evaporated overnight. Literally. I had to pack up and leave London after living there for years (long story), and nothing thereafter ever really worked out. Career? Pfff. Relationships? A disaster. Sure, I had mini breakthroughs, little successes here and there, and I raised two kids. But it was basically twenty-plus years of my own dark shit continuously hitting the fan, with intermittent phases of intense integration and release as well.
The last few years, especially, were incredibly intense in terms of realm work, allowing my realization, and the beginning of big and growing shifts. It’s been a time of rapid expansion that often took my breath away. My experiences in the other realms were off the charts, while in this earth realm, the old was crumbling, one thing after the other collapsing and falling away. It was a time filled with many beautiful experiences plus a lot of WTFs.
✨AI Generated image ©Nina JF Gauss
LE GRAND VOID
And then one day, a few weeks after Heaven’s Cross, I found myself in utter limbo. Suddenly, there was nothing. Everything was gone. My passions, visions, aspirations, hopes and dreams, people, even any desire to stay here, all gone. There was no-thing left except boredom, deep depression and feeling utterly useless.
It was akin to what creative types know as “post-production-blues,” the falling away of everything after a big project has been completed. After having been frantically busy, active, and productive, suddenly it’s a wrap. At first, there is exhilaration, but then it’s goodbye to all the people one has worked with and moving on to the next. Only now, it felt like there was no “next,” only me, my Self, and I, suspended in the endless void of nothingness for what felt like an eternity but was probably just a few minutes, days, weeks perhaps.
There was still some wrapping up to do in the other realms, very intense dreams, but in a general human sense I felt utterly useless.
Shall I Stay or Shall I Go?
What next? I asked myself. What do I do now? I don’t feel like doing anything, but shouldn’t I be doing something? No, not really. What’s the point of sticking around then? To shine? Sounds a bit boring hanging around on benches all day doing fuck all, other than glow, smile, and drink coffee. I mean, come on. Really? There’s got to be more. I want to live!!! Really live!! Dammit!!
Well, in that case, came the reply, what do you really want to experience then? and I realized how difficult this was to answer. I had become so used to living a reactive life – reacting to things, people, their expectations, situations, circumstances; my life a string of responses to outer triggers – that it now feels unnatural to just freely choose from deep within. But this is the freedom I now have. So, what will it be!?
Ach, this is harder than I thought. So, I left it. Don’t think about it. Trust that it’ll come at the right time, and eventually it did.
To my own surprise, I found myself increasingly drawn to the hustle and bustle of human life, wanting to do humanly things, and feeling incredibly excited about being part of life again. This means that I’m going back to university in a few weeks, basically continuing where I left off 25 years ago. But isn’t that going back into mass consciousness? Isn’t studying too mental??
Yes – and it’s wonderful!! I knew it was absolutely the right thing for me, because before applying, I felt excited, joyful, and happy about choosing this. I could sense so many new potentials opening up because of it, a whole new life!
So here I am, returning to my “normal” human life but in a whole new way, while everything of the last few decades suddenly feels like a very long dream.
✨AI Generated image ©Nina JF Gauss
And here’s my realization with all this. Diving back into humanity does not mean “giving up” or turning my back on mastery. On the contrary, I’m fully integrating it in the here and now and running with it.
We – me, my Self and I – are now Master and human, fully integrated, shining wherever we go, enjoying the rest of our lives as humans on this planet however we please. Exhausted from swimming in timelessness, I find myself craving a routine again. Yet I can still choose to be timeless even when in time. My only worry is punctuality – or my renowned lack thereof. But I am immensely looking forward to getting up early in the morning again (even knowing I will struggle with this) and having to be somewhere by 8 a.m. using public transport and being stuck in traffic jams. I am excited about getting on a crammed bus again!! WTF!?
I really had to laugh at all this. At first, I was concerned that perhaps I was regressing, falling back into old human patterns, a kind of resignation, until I recently chatted with another Shaumbra who is experiencing something very similar. I immediately messaged him, “You too, huh?” “Yep” Relief! It’s not just me then.
Mastery is not just about fluffy unicorns pissing rainbows or a sense of spiritual aloofness, floating off somewhere in shiny robes throwing about spiritual platitudes while suffering from mass consciousness. Nor is it about being all smiley and happy-skippy-la-la or, as some wish, suddenly rich and all problems vanished. No, embodied realization is about being fully present in the here and now as a human and Master, integrated as one.
I never was a great fan of the notion “We need to protect ourselves from mass consciousness” or “I can’t deal with muggles,” as that comes from a victim mentality, denying one’s own human aspect with its human needs, wants and desires while trying to lift oneself above it.
Yes, retreating from mass consciousness for a while was necessary and appropriate but are we really going to spend the rest of our last lifetime locked up at home, avoiding life itself with all that it has to offer, just awaiting our timely departure? Nah. It’s ultimately a personal choice, but I certainly don’t want to spend my remaining time that way. I am sick and tired of hiding at home, pretending the world out there doesn’t exist or is too difficult and challenging for me to deal with. Fuck that! No more Shaumbra-snowflake here!
I’m even sick and tired of Netflix! I want to live my own story now! It’s all my energy anyway. It’s all me, my perception, so what is there to be afraid of?
So, I’m ready to put on my best coat, go outside and explore all that my own energy has in store for me!
My conclusion is that true mastery is having lifted off into the ethers, only to now hit the tarmac so integrated that one can walk among the masses and totally live and enjoy life as it comes, and leave with a huge, fulfilled smile on my face. THAT is the true mastery of an authentic, embodied-into-life Master.
Big words, yes. I’ll let you know how it goes…