By Kemila Zsange

In a previous article, I wrote about falling off a 4-foot-high parking lot cliff wall on Mauna Kea, Hawaii in the pitch darkness of the night. After it happened, though stargazing became an unfinished business, I was feeling fine. On the drive back I was even engaged in a meaningful deep conversation with our B&B host, my new friend Scott. It was not until the next morning that I started to feel a soreness on my inner right knee, even though it was the left side of the body that fell onto the concrete ground. 

To rule out any broken bones, my partner and I decided to go to Kona Community Hospital emergency room. While he was doing the driving, I activated my phone roaming service and called my credit card medical insurance to start a claim with them. 

The hospital took my information and gave me a number for my insurance company. It was all a new experience for me, both dealing with a hospital and dealing with travel insurance. I figured I’d just do as instructed step by step. 

Flying back to Canada, I continued on those steps, filling out the forms, mailing in the documents, responding to the hospital’s two bills: one from ER and one from the main doctor’s office. I spent about two hours in the hospital, mainly in the waiting room. There was an X-ray but no treatment, as I didn’t have any broken bones, but the bills were thousands of dollars each. It is what it is. The process was very dry and time consuming. There was an old habit of inner resistance and complaint coming up about the “unnecessary” complication of what should be simple matters, but this time it just couldn’t come fully up and take over. Instead, an inner quiet space got steadily quieter these days. I knew that I knew better, didn’t I? 

It was like the Master self just didn’t want to go into the drama story anymore. Enough of that has been done. Now I keep myself present doing what I do as I’m doing it, so I don’t do what I don’t do when I’m not doing it. If I can quote Jean Tinder, it would be, “My recipe for life’s perfection? Receive everything as it is, participate as needed, and watch it unfold.” 

What unfolded next was that I received a mail from the insurance company asking me to submit yet another document – the proof of travel purchased. 

Sure, no problem. I looked through my old emails to find the e-tickets, but they weren’t there. I traced back through credit card statements month by month… Nope. The proof was nowhere to be found. 

But I did pay for the flight, didn’t I?

Further digging revealed the mystery. It turned out I paid for that trip with an airline Mastercard, the only time that I ever did so in the history of my existence. I had applied for that card 10 months earlier for something else that never happened. And I always used my Visa card for traveling, for its points and particularly for its travel insurance. But the only time the insurance need arose was the one time I didn’t charge it to that card. 

Wait, doesn’t the Mastercard give me travel insurance too? Oh, must I start all over again? The thought of that was quite unpleasant. But when I looked into the fine print of the insurance certificate, I realized I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to. While going through the long process of the paperwork with the Visa insurance, I had lost the window of time to file a claim with the Mastercard insurance.

Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong. Or so it seemed. I couldn’t wrap my head around how I had managed to make such simple but unforgivable mistakes. What are the odds! I travel many times a year and had never needed to make an insurance claim. The only time that I had such a need, I picked the wrong card to get the airline tickets. Then on the way to the hospital, I picked the wrong number to call; and further, I missed the window of time to file a claim. 

Now I truly didn’t know where this was going and what it would entail. Still stunned at the negative synchronicity, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I couldn’t see any perfection in that moment, but maybe the reason is because I didn’t need to see it. From my vantage point, I could only see what I saw, and maybe that was enough. Without calling it perfect, it was enough for me to decide the course of action in that moment. Not being able to submit the proof of purchase as required, in that moment there was clearly nothing left to do in the process.

With nothing to manage and no need to make stuff happen, I was definitely not going to invite the old friend called Worrying back. What’s the secret to experiencing life’s perfection again? Right, to meet each moment of life as it is, though it was hard for me to believe it in that moment. 

Luckily, I have learned not to give it a damn, what I believe. Life becomes a matter of showing up and using the resources that I’m given in that moment. To receive, is to see everything that I’m given in every moment as a resource to be utilized. In Adamus’ language, “Everything is here to serve me.” “Energies are all mine.” “Receive my own light.” Uncomfortably, I relaxed. 

A few weeks later, Kona hospital resent the ER bill to me. Meeting life as it is, I followed their instruction and paid the bill online, thankful that I was able to do so. 

I had meant to cancel the Visa as I had applied for another credit card. But, since I expected to receive another medical bill from the doctor’s office, I decided to let that card remain in good standing for another year, even though I was paying the annual fee without using it. Receiving that moment as it was, it just felt like an easier thing to do. 

I wondered how long it was going to take for the doctor’s office to find out that my insurance company was not paying the bill and they would have to redirect it to my address. Meanwhile, the insurance company kindly kept reminding me to submit the documents that I didn’t have. I did nothing, as really there was nothing to do. 

I flew to spend a month in the Netherlands for the last part of the summer. When I came back home, in the pile of mail, instead of finding the doctor’s bill, I saw an envelope from Kona hospital. I opened it. The hospital had refunded me every penny I paid for the ER. 

It looked like the insurance company had lost patience waiting for my documents to arrive and, as the card was still in good standing, and unexpectedly to me, decided to move ahead and pay all the outstanding bills. 

Everything unfolds perfectly, even when I don’t believe it or see how it’s possible. Without forcing myself to believe, this has again taught me to simply show up in each moment fully, without trying to manage it. Receiving means to receive every moment as it is without pretending that I know better, because I, the little me doesn’t. 

No working at it. No analysis. Of course, while I’m receiving the natural flow of my own energy, little me certainly knew how to gratefully receive that refund.

End note: Having a helping profession to encourage people who find their way to my private practice to live fully, I experience my own challenges. This article was written in September 2023 but sat in my laptop “forgotten” as I was pulled back to my own familiar, “cozy” and “staying safe” gravitational shell, after I self-assessed it “too personal and too trivial for a greater audience” of Shaumbra Magazine. Thanks to the constant support of Crimson Circle in many ways, here I am, showing up.