✨AI Generated

By Susana Piohtee

In these ænd times, as the veils thin, the apocalyptic revealing of truth, both positive and negative, is showing us many things with crystal clarity. For instance, after eons of the Scales of Equality being heavily tipped in favour of The Masculine, these scales are being rocked wildly as The Feminine steps forth to take her rightful place beside her Masculine partner. And surely a new relationship between masculine and feminine is an integral part of the expansion of consciousness; a requirement for that ‘New Earth’ we see as our future; as the visionary Charles Eisenstein puts it so wholeheartedly ‘The more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.’

Today we see the light of expanding consciousness revealing misogyny raging throughout the planet more forcefully than ever. The old patriarchy desperately attempts to cling on to its power by challenging men’s fearful aspects to defend themselves with displays of ever more aggressive behavior. My Master self is reminded of a wild cat backed into a corner, masking its fear with loud hissing and fierce displays of tooth and claw. What it really wants of course is to be accepted and loved!

So I was delighted to read Erlend Wangensteen’s sensitive article ‘And Isis …About Men with Purpose’ in the November 2022 edition of Shaumbra Magazine, and was prompted to share my own understanding and experience of this important topic from the perspective of a woman. The first thing that came to my mind was the memory of a visualisation I experienced, with support from a friend, some 25 years ago. I have never forgotten it. The portion described below is no more than its beginnings (it did eventually lead to a beautiful completion). This visualization took place during a period when I had become deeply and consciously engaged with exploring what it meant to be a woman … and trying to understand what it meant to be a man.

I am in conversation with my inner Masculine; or more accurately I am dismissing my inner bloke’s pleas that I allow him to walk ahead of ‘me’ – my inner Feminine. She is striding along a forest path, head held high, clasping a long staff in her right hand.

The shadowy masculine form walking some distance behind her pleads, “Please … you don’t know where you’re going; it’s my role to lead – and to protect you!”

She scoffs: “Yeah right. Protect me by putting me in chains like you used to before I got wise to you; telling me I’m incapable of doing and being all sorts of things; preventing me from doing anything without your permission, and when I object, abusing me in as many ways as you can think of; telling me it’s all for my own good because you are a superior being and always know best. And you know what? I used to believe you!”

As I sat, outwardly calm, allowing this inner experience to unfold, I began to feel a simmering rage bubbling inside me as images unfolded within my mind: women with mutilated genitals; women being killed by fathers and brothers in order to ‘protect family honour’; women bruised and battered by drunken partners; women being told by ‘the authorities’ to ‘cover up’ if they wanted to avoid being raped; women being hunted down and locked up in solitary confinement by their own fathers for leaving home; women shamed and humiliated for birthing girls; unwanted female babies abandoned to die; girls being prevented from receiving an education, never mind having a profession.

Oh, I felt anger all right! As these and many more images flooded my mind, the rage verged upon hatred! And yet, strangely enough, alongside this rage was sorrow and compassion. Although by that time I had chosen to live without a man in my life, I truly enjoyed the company of awake men, and I could even empathize with their struggle to know ‘how to be’ in this new world in which women were reclaiming the power of the Feminine.

My own story – in a very small nutshell – goes something like this: I had married young into a very patriarchal culture. It took me eight years to finally acknowledge (“I made my bed so should lie in it” syndrome!) that life as a second-class citizen, in which a woman was expected to know her place – in bed, in the kitchen, as a mother, and as a decorative possession on her husband’s arm – was not for me. 

With a mixture of relief and great sadness I fled the marriage with my four-year old twin daughters and my widowed mother. The sadness was due to not wanting to deprive my daughters of contact with their father and his family: these were good, kind people who happened to live within a belief system that considered it perfectly acceptable for a man to beat his wife if necessary to ‘bring her into line’! This belief system was not compatible with my own.

✨AI Generated

During the years that followed I had several enjoyable intimate relationships with men. Nonetheless there came a point when I could no longer avoid being confronted by the fact that when in such a relationship, I adapted my behaviour in order to please my partner. I even did so with male friends! Consequently, in my early 40s (I guess as I began to allow my Master – my soul – to guide me) I made a conscious decision to continue life without seeking, or even being open to, a man to share it with me. By this time, I had realised that one of my purposes in this lifetime was to bring about balance between my inner Feminine and Masculine energies. Therefore, much of the last 40 years has involved exploring the differences in the expression of these energies, and how these very real differences can either blend into a beautifully creative harmony, or clash and cause misery all around.

Eventually returning to live in the UK after 25 years living in Spain and The Netherlands, several eye-opening experiences showed me how dependent I still felt upon male approval for my sense of self-worth – despite having lived independently as a single parent for the previous 15 or so years! It was then that I began to truly explore what it means to ‘be a woman,’ both psychologically and practically; both in my own daily life and in the daily lives of other women. I devised and ran a variety of workshops under the title “What is a Woman?” and commenced four years of formal training to become a psychotherapist. 

During this period, I participated in and initiated several women’s groups. I also worked and socialized with men who belonged to men’s groups and who were themselves ‘awakening,’ and thoroughly enjoyed their company. I read the key books of those times (early 90s) that talked about what it meant to ‘be a man,’ such as Robert Bly’s Iron John, and Fire in The Belly by Sam Keen. And yet, on occasions, something a man said or did would trigger that inner rage that still smoldered in my own human’s belly, just waiting for something to fan it into flame – “Aagh men! Who do they think they are! Such arrogance!”

As the views of feminists were slowly being adopted within western societies, giving rise to actions and government policies that aimed to bring about greater equality between men and women both in public and private life, I began to see a victim mentality emerging amongst men who no longer felt secure in their dominance. Although I could understand these feelings, the remnants of that rage deep within my human was still triggered when hearing them complain about all the ways in which life was treating them unfairly now that Feminism had shown them to be less indispensible than they had believed themselves to be. One very sad example of this today is the ‘incel’ movement.

I remember well the first time I witnessed a man cry during a workshop I was attending, and how good it felt to my human: “Now you understand what it’s like to feel undermined and have your feelings dismissed. Good!” It was clear that most of the other women present had feelings similar to my own. For this man though, the experience was so disconcerting that he left the workshop.

As a psychotherapist and group facilitator, I attempted to collaborate with a male colleague I had trained with to devise a workshop for men and women to explore together this relationship between masculine and feminine. Ironically, no matter that we were both equally enthusiastic about the project, he and I just couldn’t complete our task. Our approaches were so different: I found him unreliable, and he found me annoying! Indeed it was a perfect example of feminine and masculine clashing. We are still friends though, many years later.

During that period, I wrote and had published several articles. One entitled

Me Jane, You Tarzan – Gender and its relevance to Transforming Democracy, went into great detail about the differences between men and women, masculine and feminine, at a time when many feminists sought to deny these differences, erroneously believing that in so doing women would benefit. 

As we humans move into a completely new paradigm of experience and development, each encountering the New Earth of our choice, the external interaction between men and women and the inner interaction between Divine Feminine and Masculine must surely be where a major change is needed. I do wonder if the emergence of so much questioning related to gender identity is perhaps the external manifestation of the inner work being done by awakening individuals attempting to find that inner balance between feminine and masculine.

For me personally, during those years of exploration, I did often secretly wish I could meet ‘my soulmate.’ Whilst understanding that in reality my ‘other half’ was within me all the time, this understanding has not been easy to integrate, living as I do within a society in which an unattached woman is still seen as a bit of an oddity. And yes, my human can choose to have an intimate partner of whichever gender with whom to enjoy life, but there is no ‘need’ involved, no need to find another to complete me. No, for I am already complete.

✨AI Generated

Nowadays I hold within my heart a scenario that encapsulates the eons-old story of the Divine Romance. Many Shaumbra are likely to be familiar with it in some form or other:

She walked behind him the obligatory five paces. Her feet shuffled, her head was bowed, her face was covered. To her HeartMind she did not exist.

He walked those five paces in front of her, upright, head held high. A great warrior, proud and unbending.

And then, Light entered her, from where she knew not. It filled her entire being, entering and opening her heart and mind to all that is. Amazed, she uncovered her face and unbound her head. Her eyes saw for the first time.

She, now so light and free, flew past him, exhilarating in new sensations of lightness and air. She danced and twirled, her beautiful hair flowing free in the wind, her feet not touching the ground. She breathed in deeply, absorbing the beauty of this planet called Earth. How had she never seen it before?

And then, her newly seeing eyes fell upon her man. So lonely was he!

She saw him truly for the first time and she loved him. A beautiful man, strong and proud, as straight and as stiff as the staff he carried in his hand. So easily broken.

She saw her old self – a mound of old clothing crumpled upon the ground. She wondered, and made her decision: No, she would never again bind herself in the cloth of patriarchy.

And this beloved man? Would she leave him? No, she would walk beside him, take his hand and feed him with Light and Love. He would sigh and wonder at the softness by his side.

She did as she had chosen. He did as she knew he would. He cast aside the staff he carried, softened his eyes and looked around for the feeling that had engulfed him with delight. He saw her, this woman of his, as she truly was.

He stepped out of his pride and into his true nature. His body filled with the strength of Light and Love. 

The woman and the man walked on together, side by side.

My Master Self observes and smiles.