✨AI Generated

By Jerry Sweeten

It has been a year since Heaven’s Cross. And what a year it has been. Transformative. This article is about those deep shifts and profound changes that I have experienced since March of last year. 

I write this from a small town in Oregon in the US, that I recently found in my campervan wanderings. I left Virginia almost a year and a half ago. I write from a place that feels like home, because I am at home within myself. That is one of the changes that I have experienced in the last year. 

The speed and depth of those kinds of changes has accelerated since Heaven’s Cross. They have come about in a series of unusual (at least for the human facet of me) experiences that I feel called to share here. 

I write here too about relationships. The changes I have witnessed in relationship to myself and others, have had a profound and significant impact in the ongoing integration of human and divine. This article is about that becoming. About seeing what has been hidden. About becoming aware in ways that I didn’t anticipate. About remembering who I am at my core. About apocalyptic changes. 

One of the first realizations has been what an enormous drain being a realm worker was on human resources. I am more here because that task is complete. A task that was the culmination of all of the 1231 lifetimes. I can feel the satisfaction of it in my bones. Retirement from that intense energy work has allowed me to be more available and present in the physical world. 

For example, I never was any good at word games or puzzles. But suddenly, I have a new aptitude that has come out of nowhere. I feel new resources available within me. I am more aware of my body. I am more IN my body. I am aware of the passive neglect that happened in those very intense months before Heaven’s Cross. I am also more invested in my physical self than I ever have been in my life. I am losing excess weight. My visage in the mirror has changed. I am walking more upright and my gait has become more relaxed and confident. 

I have also realized that the creative nudges that come from my soul manifest as feelings in my body. As I tune into those subtle, yet potent threads, I have become better at sensing and allowing what I witness in my body. I attribute these changes to the deep shifts that are occurring naturally in my day-to-day life. 

Another deep shift has been an increase in the use of my angelic senses. That shift in awareness has allowed me to process the human emotions connected to my aspects. I have concluded that as long as I am in physical form, there will be human emotions and aspects to cope with. What I witness now is that intense human emotions still arise. A circus of emotions by tired and bedraggled performers. But when the circus comes to town, these emotions are not the ringmaster of my life any longer. 

Being able to feel dysfunctional emotions intensely as they arise is a critical step in their release. I have spent much time and energy suppressing emotions from aspects. Now, instead of pushing the emotions away, I have begun to soak deeply into them. The danger here is that my human self has also spent much time and energy feeding the dysfunctional emotions. By shedding the belief that suffering is valuable and necessary in my human life, I have begun to trust myself when I feel these emotions. I trust in my ability to feel guilt or shame with the knowledge that these emotions are out of balance and are seeking release/resolution. So instead of indulging in some kind of misguided victimhood, I allow those emotions center stage. I trust in the discernment between feeling them and feeding them. 

Are these emotions uncomfortable? Yes, they are. They are familiar, yet they are not fun. I have unconsciously created 3D identities based on these emotions. They have been, until now, how I have defined myself in this life. Shedding the belief in their reality is also shedding the human identity associated with them. And so, I feel them intensely as they arise, for they are an experience portal that I must go through, as a means of releasing the energetic congestion associated with them.

I feel them and hold them with a special knowledge that has come to me through Heaven’s Cross. 

That special knowledge or awareness is a beautiful gift that I have given myself. Knowing that if I hold these old aspects without feeding them, I can allow the soul entry into myself so that the balance can come in. I experience this release as a relief from the tension in my body. One moment I am carrying an emotional sack of rocks over my shoulder, burdened, and shuddering with tears. And in the next moment, the soul slides in behind me and simply slits the bottom of the sack with a sharp blade. Suddenly, I am unburdened, holding an empty sack, feeling intense relief. A lightness of being. A gentle warmth that surrounds me, guiding me. An awareness of the love that I feel for myself ensues. 

The gift of the ease by which human me can allow the soul into my daily existence has been one of the greatest treasures from Heaven’s Cross. As I face whatever comes up, my ability to trust in the release/integration/rebalance/healing continues to grow. For me, this is the metric that I observe as the human and divine meld. 

Over the last year, I have been exploring an intimate relationship with another Shaumbra. While some esteemed channeled teachers do not recommend such, I have never been very good at following those kinds of guidelines. The strength of the friendship enabled us to be present to each other as we discovered our way in our individual journeys.

Being close to someone triggered a lot of my old relationship issues. I found that I spent time unraveling emotional burdens that had nothing to do with the other person. Allowing my soul into my life as I held these burdens gave me the gift of shedding the old stuff without creating drama in the interaction with the other. 

About 2 months ago, I had an experience of releasing a huge burden in what felt like an extraordinary manner. I know that this transformational experience used angelic senses beyond the five human senses. 

I came upon the feeling of being constrained by an old defensive structure within. On some level I was aware of it, but for the most part this coping mechanism was hidden from me. It was as if I was underwater in a pond with a thick sheet of ice covering the water. It felt very old. I felt that I needed to protect myself; shield my vulnerability from abuse in many forms. 

✨AI Generated

I was talking with my friend and the image of the pond, with me in it, came into my mind’s eye. One moment I was sitting on the couch, and in the next moment I was in this pond with my feet planted in the mud. This creation felt very familiar, but also very confining. In some weird way I could remember creating it. The existence of this ice-covered pond was as real in that moment as my fingers upon this keyboard. 

And so it was that I found myself underwater, looking up at the ice. There was a feeling, a nudge from the Master within. And suddenly I was aware that this very human creation was not needed any longer. And I just stood up in the pond. (Not my physical self, but the self in my mind’s eye.) As I stood up, the ice rose with me. I became a giant with this sheet of ice on my head and right shoulder. And then the ice slid off of me and vanished. I suddenly felt free. I felt that I had been constrained, crouched under a protective layer that was not needed any longer. 

As I stood there, several things occurred to me: The presence of me in the world is changing. I outgrew this old confinement, and it released. I used to be proportionally equal to this pond. As I stood up, what was once deep water only came up to my calves. Suddenly, I became aware that my presence in the world is more substantial.  But I also realized that at my feet in the pond were stunted plants that had been seeking the light and freedom to express themselves. I observed that they were coated in dark sludge from being hidden in the dark and cold. I would call the dark sludge aspects, but at the core of these plants were vibrant parts of myself seeking nourishment and resolution. 

The images of the Ice Shield and the plants are very much like dream images that happen in my waking state. They have an energetic basis that I can feel, very much like a bass riff that vibrates in my body. The music is not heard with my ears, but felt in the vibration of feeling that is the communication of my soul. This soul light that comes in is like a drop of oil on the rusted tumblers of an ancient lock that is now free to open and release.

Several significant relationship changes have occurred in the last year. Both of my 100+ year old parents crossed over. I entered an intimate relationship that ended just a short time ago. These experiences changed me in significant ways.

My relationship with my parents was strained to non-existence at the end. I had stepped away from them before Heaven’s Cross. I did not know I was a realm worker at that point. Did not know that such a thing existed. All I knew was that I had no bandwidth to deal with ancestral feeding from them or my siblings. Instinctively, I left Virginia in my motorhome and isolated myself. I knew that I needed to focus on tasks that I knew about without knowing what I knew. Turned out that those tasks were much larger for me than just this lifetime. I was playing in a high stakes event, and could not afford the distraction. 

After Heaven’s Cross, that need for isolation was not so imperative. My attempts to reconnect were rebuffed. Evidently, the prodigal son is only a tale for Sunday Mass. At least I thought that they were rebuffed. 

I was hiking in the Redwood Forest when I became aware of a presence near me. I stopped with one hand on one of the great trees, and listened. The presence felt like my mother. A question slid into my awareness. 

✨AI Generated

“Do you love me?” the voice asked. 

“Yes,” I responded. 

“How do I know?” she seemed to ask.

I responded by closing my eyes and focusing on my heart. I imagined the love that I felt in that moment to grow and expand. “Can you feel it?” I asked.

“Yes,” she seemed to say and left me standing with my hand on a giant Redwood tree. 

Over the next few days, this scene repeated 4 or 5 times. She would ask, and I would respond with heartfelt assurances. 

Then I found myself sitting by a wonderfully vibrant campfire with the untamed Smith River roaring below. It was dusk and I had finished my dinner, and was relaxing by the fire, sipping a dram of single malt Scotch. 

Suddenly a different scene shuttered into my vision. All I could see was green. In my mind’s eye, I found myself standing, staring at this green color until it began to resolve into the view of a meadow. I could see blurs resolve into wildflowers being serviced by butterflies. In the distance was an inviting deep forest. I felt a hand on my left arm. I looked and there was a presence there. She was a very young child, and a very old woman. Both at once. The woman who had raised me and the child she once was. She looked into the distance, and then at me. I nodded my head once, and she was gone. 

A pop from the fire brought me back. It had burned low, and it was full dark. I felt sad, certainly, but mostly I felt relief. I was relieved that she had found her way. Relief that my abuser was gone from the planet. (I was also relieved that somehow, I had not spilled my Scotch.)

Two days later I got a call from my brother, letting me know that she had passed. I did not go to the funeral Mass, for I knew that she had found her way. Not long after, my father joined her. I wrote a letter to my brother, sharing my experience, but he chose not to respond. He indicated in a phone call that he didn’t see us reconnecting any time soon. 

As I reflect now on these ancestral experiences, I feel broad strokes of emotion. The predominate emotion is relief. Guilt, shame and sadness too. But I feel strongly that if I were to be with these people today, it is very likely that I would perhaps have different kinds of interaction with them. I choose not to second guess myself though.

I remember Ram Dass saying that if you feel like you have progressed in your spiritual journey, go spend a week with your family. While humorous, family can be triggers for aspects. I believe that I have spent many lifetimes with this particular nuclear family. I chose to believe that I will create other mirrors and experiences to sus out unresolved aspects. 

Experiences like being in an intimate relationship. 

In the past, ending an intimate relationship would have devastated me. My pattern has been to identify myself through another person. Part of that identification was putting my esteem and self worth in the hands of someone else. If you love me, then I can love myself. People pleasing behaviors.

But this time is different. Have I experienced sadness? Yes, certainly. Has it had the devastating effects that past breakups have had? No. I love myself too much for that now. I spent a week in nature sitting by a beautiful river. I had lots of moments of just breathing myself back into the present moment to hold that sadness. While I had uncomfortable moments, overall, I have been pleasantly surprised by what I consider to be mental/emotional/spiritual maturity that I have witnessed in myself.

That said, I do want to share an experience about my interaction. With the help of my friend, I was able to identify an aspect that I just did not see before. The manner in which it manifested and then resolved is very fascinating to me.

Beyond the people pleasing behavior, I had an “Unwavering Devotion Aspect.” I witnessed this in my life as a commitment to another person. I would be willing to put up with all sorts of dysfunctional behaviors in a relationship because of my devotion to them. Steadfast. Always having my partner’s back. I was willing to experience the discomfort of that which was not working no matter what. I believed that this was a functional asset. I believed that this was loyalty and was part of my character to be commended. 

During this most recent experience with my friend, she challenged this aspect of my personality. At first, I resisted hearing her, and can be steadfastly stubborn at times. But when I felt more deeply into it, I had to agree with her. There was a chord of disharmony within me, that got my attention. I felt discomfort more strongly that evening. Before I went to sleep, I held the disharmony and felt even more deeply into this arising emotion. It felt like a combination of not one, but a mishmash of shame, guilt, betrayal, and fear. I went to sleep with this flood in my awareness.

In the wee hours I know that I am dreaming. I am in a surgical suite. I am standing next to several other beings that I identify as the surgeons. I am in a role not unlike a scrub nurse. As I look at the table, I realize that I am also the patient. This does not trouble me, and seems natural. 

The surgeons are working in my belly area above the navel. Protruding from the surgical site are several black threads that are as thick as my thumb. These tentacles are about a meter long and contain undulating loops. These threads are deeply imbedded into my body. With obvious skill, the surgical team works to unroot these unsightly protrusions. The base of these protrusions looks like roots of a plant. The team unwinds them from the healthy tissue. While they make steady progress, it feels like a long time to my scrub nurse self. Finally, the last of the roots are extracted, and they close the opening in my belly, applying a rich salve. 

The scene changes. I see the faces of those I have been in relationship with. I see scenes where I used the tentacle loops to entrap those other individuals, so I could keep them close. There is a steady stream of faces, and the scene changes again. I begin witnessing scenes where the dress and furnishing are strange. Deathbed scenes where I have a mate holding my hand. Battle scenes. Scenes of lonely death in a cell. I know as I watch that these are past life scenes that have come for resolution and healing.

For as these scenes progress, I realize that I am feeling a release of very old and ancient emotion. I feel forgiven and reconciled within myself. There is a feeling of peace and a quiet joy in this. 

I wake up and I can see the first light of a new day. I feel into my body and realize that my belly feels physically sore. It isn’t like anything that I have experienced before. It is both sore and not sore. 

As I lay on the bed, I begin to reflect on the experience. Clearly, what I had considered an asset at one time was actually a subtle manipulation and control mechanism. In relationship, I was both the abuser and the abused. Classic energy feeding. Holy smokes. I thought that I was done with all of that.

But what happened next was surprising and a relief both at once. The reconciliation, the forgiveness was complete. There was no remonstration or recrimination. I did not judge myself for this behavior. At first, I thought that I must keep this a secret, because others might see me in a bad light. But the feeling of wholeness, of feeling complete, like I came home to myself in a significant way, was more like something to celebrate. 

I wandered around in a daze all that day, feeling vertigo, and just took naps. The naps didn’t seem to affect my sleep as the day ended.

I am back on the table and the team is once again checking the work of the previous night. This session was considerably shorter, and they once again applied healing salve to my belly. 

I felt relaxed upon waking. Instead of being sore, my whole abdomen felt very vital with a subtle energetic buzz. I had lots of energy and went for a long hike. I have noticed that I do not have a craving for a new relationship at this juncture. This is new for me. 

I do feel like this is something to celebrate. When I consider my past relationships, I do not feel anything but a quiet sense of relief. Reconciling these parts of myself are happening as I am ready, and I am very glad about that. 

What I also feel is a sense that I can trust this evolution that is happening. I feel more of that sometimes elusive love of myself. Apocalyptic changes indeed. These kinds of changes have been my heart’s desire ever since I can remember, and they are coming to fruition. To me, these changes feel easier, and are coming faster since Heaven’s Cross. Whatever sacrifices I made prior to Heaven’s Cross feel worth it now in these evolving times.