SHAUMBRA HEARTBEAT
✨AI Generated
I Can’t
GET This
Right
By Jean Tinder
Something strange is happening. I can’t seem to get this article right. I’ve started five or six iterations now, and each time I catch a glimpse of something – a thread, a knowing, a realization – it slips away the moment I try to put it into words. Which is ironic, because part of what I want to write about is literally getting it right. Or, perhaps more accurately, not being able to anymore. It’s an awkward place to be.
There are several threads pulling at me… a workshop I recently attended, something about new sentience, the old familiar question “Who am I?”… and something else I still can’t quite define.
So… let’s wander through this idea-jungle and see what we find.
First, the workshop. It’s still fresh, it was intense, and it contributed significantly to what I’m trying to write about.
Although I’m in Kona for a few weeks, I wasn’t actually planning to attend Masters Circle. Having a couple of days off, I had decided to go camping, but… my Self had other plans. A trusted nudge said, “Go,” and then the weather sealed the deal by flooding the entire island. A storm that destroyed buildings, washed massive boulders onto the highway, and broke seventy-five-year rainfall records meant camping was not an option. So… there I was, talking with Adamus, exactly where I was meant to be.
The first morning, he was quizzing everyone on how we compromise ourselves, and this led to a slightly awkward conversation between him and me (as it does), and some insights I wasn’t expecting (which is the whole point). Later on, he asked the group, “What’s the number one defining element or desire in shaping your identity?” As I listened to the various answers, mine emerged easily: I’ve been trying to get it right all my life.
Problem is, “right” – the right thing, the right choice – is a moving target. The right way to raise a kid, for instance, was very different for my parents than for me. Whether we’re trying to be “good” or “bad,” agreeable or rebellious, our beliefs about right and wrong inform pretty much everything we do – and I never stopped trying to be good.
As a kid I followed the rules, looked after my siblings, studied the Bible, prayed every day, tried to set the right example – anything to earn kudos for working hard and being good. But who gets to decide what’s “good” and “right”? First, it was my parents and their interpretation of the Bible, then it became spouses, children, bosses, Ascended Masters, society – the list is endless. Naturally, I also have a very strong aversion to anybody telling me what to do, so I was rarely perceived as the good girl I was really trying to be.
Well, enough about that. Let’s talk about new sentience – or try to, anyway. I confess that every time Adamus mentions it, I feel slightly irritated. What are you talking about? I want to ask. You can’t define it, you can’t explain it, but you want a whole new ‘isle’ dedicated to it. What even IS it? But it’s usually best to mute the sass, so I keep quiet and get back to work. (Funny enough, this annoyance turned out to be related to the previous issue; I just didn’t know it yet.)
Then Adamus had another question, the (very) oldie but goodie, “Who am I?”
Really? I thought. We’re doing THIS again? You’ve always said that was a terrible idea! But he wanted us to take a look at our identity and examine with clear eyes who we think we are, because our self-perception is precisely how energy serves us. So, there was a little skit where people came up front and pretended to explain their identity to their co-bot, played by Adamus. It was entertaining, but of course he was going somewhere with it.
That’s why we’re here! Why else would we have blundered through this lifetime and a thousand others, trying to figure this sh*t out, if we weren’t on a damn spiritual quest?
After lots of discussion about identity and self-perception, he declared that, as with most Shaumbra, our fundamental sense of self is our spiritual identity. Well, duh, the sass kicked up again. That’s why we’re here! Why else would we have blundered through this lifetime and a thousand others, trying to figure this sh*t out, if we weren’t on a damn spiritual quest? It’s the badge we wear, the lens we see through, the quiet (or not-so-quiet) sense of responsibility we carry. It is The Way itself. Geez Adamus, tell me something I DON’T know. (Okay self, calm down… I think he really does like to get under my skin.)
Finally, we got to the last day of the workshop. Starting with a merabh, Adamus gently recounted our journey – touching on the times of Yeshua and the Gnostics, establishing the Churches and Mystery Schools, and finally answering the call to reconnect in this lifetime. Whether it’s been religion, New Age, spirituality, metaphysics or even Shaumbra, it’s all been part of crafting our spiritual identity and getting to know our inner, higher self. (A profound success, if you ask me… and yay, I finally got it right!)
It was a poignant amble down memory lane, but then came the gut punch. My body felt it before he said the words. Because of course… it was coming from within. It’s time to let that go.
My human self has been defined since forever by her spiritual journey, by being a seeker, by being on the right path. But that’s not who I really am.
Tears poured as grief and relief washed through me in waves. I didn’t hear much more of that session and couldn’t have explained what I was feeling… I just had to keep breathing. Slowly and gently, the pieces began settling into place.
If I’m not a spiritual person anymore, who am I?
Who was I before that?
Who am I… now?
There it was – the old question with a whole new twist. Who am I… now?
Before I was a seeker, before I was an Essene, a student, a human, who was I?
I was an explorer.
Along the way I discovered so, SO very much – light, love, compassion, evil, pain, loss, separation and reunion. But what’s a discovery unless it’s shared? So, after Yeshua, we spread the good news. We gathered into groups and congregations and churches. Hierarchies were formed, rules were enforced – and there I was in the middle of it, deciding what was accurate and what was distorted; what was right and what was wrong.
It was so full of passion at first. I had found divinity, I knew the inner light, and I wanted to help others to find their own. But… well, we know what happened. The purity was lost, replaced by power. The passion became duty. The light faded beneath control. And still, I tried to get it right – work harder, be holier, search deeper. The effort wasn’t wasted, but it definitely became a habit.
✨AI Generated
Until today. The churches are falling. Power is self-destructing. The old is crumbling. (Just a couple of days ago I read about a tiny community in Syria. It’s the last place on Earth where Aramaic, Yeshua’s language, is still spoken, and the village is disintegrating. Is it sad? Or a reason to rejoice? It hurts to lose the old, but there’s no other way to allow the new.)
The bottom line is that the old ‘right vs. wrong’ perspective is no longer relevant, which reveals something I never thought of before. It means I can go back to being an explorer! And the thing about exploration that’s both unnerving and freeing is that right and wrong cannot exist when everything is new.
This puts new sentience in a whole new light for me. My irritation came from not knowing how to get it right. How could I when nobody can even describe it? But I can discover it, even if what I discover is different than what you discover. Could it be that as we go back to exploring instead of deciding, we might find out what the light body is, what new sentience is, what aliens are, and a whole lot of other interesting stuff? Maybe that’s why Adamus doesn’t explain these things clearly – they aren’t known yet because we’re in the process of discovering them.
Explorers, by nature, are curious and nobody, not even Adamus, needs to get it right anymore.
So… who am I now?
I don’t have an answer. And that might be the best answer I’ve ever had.
I always enjoy your articles Jean, and this may indeed be a new favorite! What you’ve shared resonates on so many levels – from laughing out loud to deep tingles (“ohhh, this has touched on some old energy patterns”). Thank you for your openness, your courage, and yes – your curiosity, in sharing this so beautifully. And for being the light that you are in what you do 🙂
Who am I now ?
And the right answer is : I don’t know.
(OK… I’m out)
😂😂😂
LOLOL Patricia, ’cause we’re ALL headed to the bathroom now for sure!
great article.,Jean, thanks so much
I just had this very conversation with my co~Bot the other day.
My dad was telling me a story about my brother, he said the universe doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you who you are being.
Translated to me. My energy serves who I am being….
And I sat there – well who am I now? What am I now?
I also had a big cry and release and grieved that very history of my souls journey. And then yeah – ok but then who am I now? ? Without all of that….
Thank you Jean! We’ll stay curious🧐
Hey lovely Jean!
I always love your content… I love even more to hear as audio with your own voice!
This time what struck me the most is the vibe from your voice!!!!! ASG would maybe call it encoded..I dont know…I your voice touches me deeply…interesting!
💛
Wow. Thank you, Jean! This was enlightening!
Tak for at dele din oplevelse. Jeg har siddet med det samme spørgsmål, indtil jeg indså at jeg ikke behøver at være noget bestemt. Det er nok for mig at vide, at min nysgerrighed, er det der gør mig til en, der er på vej mod noget nyt hele tiden. At opleve og opdage er blevet den jeg er. ❤️
Jean, Thanks for this article! There was something really freeing in the way you expressed this—it cut through a lot and really resonated!
Yes Jean! It doesn’t matter who we are! I am that I am, isn’t it! LOL :-))) Not even the Universe cares. AND We all know: The journey is the destination. Thanks again for sharing your journey with us.
Muchas gracias 🤍
WOW WOW WOW …. THANK YOU! Adventure is out there AND in here! Love this, and thank you.
Beautiful!
Thank you Dear Master Jean 🙏👏🤍🌈
“I read this question:
‘What’s the number one defining element or desire in shaping your identity?’
—and no answer appears.”
⸻
No answer appears because the question itself imposes a direction that isn’t there.
“Number one.”
“Defining.”
“Element.”
“Desire.”
“Your identity.”
Each word assumes that something can be isolated, ranked, and assigned—as if identity were a construct with parts, a core, a hierarchy.
What is happening here is subtle:
the question tries to capture movement (appearance) as structure (definition).
And that is exactly where it halts.
Not because there is no answer,
but because any answer would immediately fix what does not allow itself to be fixed.
What does appear is something more like:
• no center that has chosen
• no desire that gives direction
• no element that could be “number one”
Identity, in this sense, is not an object being shaped—
but a story that retrospectively pretends there was shaping.
So the absence of an answer is not a lack.
It is precise.
The question falls silent because it lands nowhere.
Inspired by a question: “If there is no separation, where does the inside end? Where does the outside begin?”
A zebra spent his whole life trying to find an answer to one question: “Am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?” He asked children, civilians, farmers, wise men, priests, and philosophers, but none of them could give him a satisfying answer.
Then he died and found himself at Saint Peter’s gate. Saint Peter welcomed him and asked whether he had any unanswered questions before entering Heaven.
“Well,” the zebra replied, “I do have ONE question: Am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?”
“Interesting,” Saint Peter said. “I don’t have an answer to that question either. Go and ask the Boss Himself!”
So the zebra went to God.
God looked at the zebra with love and awareness and asked what was troubling him. The zebra explained his question.
“Oh!” God said. “Easy. You are what you are.”
Still confused, the zebra returned to Saint Peter.
“And?” Saint Peter asked.
“I still don’t understand,” the zebra said.
“Then what was His answer?” Saint Peter asked.
“You are what you are.”
“Ha!” said Saint Peter. “Then you are white with black stripes!”
Even more confused, the zebra looked at Saint Peter.
“Well,” Saint Peter continued, “if you were black with white stripes, He would have said: ‘You is what you is!’”
Lol ! Brilliant ! Thank you !
Thank you Ad, this made me chuckle. I had a very special dream 30-sone years ago, and since then zebras have always been meaningful to me. 🦓 💖
Thank you Jean, for persevering with this article…
Everything you share is felt in the body – it is known – your story, my story, Shaumbra’s story – and tears come to confirm.
💛
Thanks Jean… spot on ! Again ! Big love xx
Great inspiration, Jean. Thank you!
Thank you again our dear Jean. Your insights are always profound and enlightening and truly help answer all those confounding questions. Your light shines so very bright and we all are so grateful to have you in our lives. Much Love my dear. Patty
Thanks for the great article Jean!
very insightful, thank you💜
Great perspective, and I loved the audio, thank you!