By Jean Tinder

My Crucible

My Crucible

I recently found a new use for my Fuck It Bucket and, adding to the fun, it corresponds delightfully to my Trekkie1 facet! Here’s the story…

A lot of us are experiencing body issues and I am no exception. Strange twitchy behavior, wandering aches and pains, seeming inability to handle what was not a problem last week, and so on. Some days, my body feels healthier than ever. Other days, I wonder how it’s still functioning. I know Adamus says everything is okay and it’s all natural and blah blah blah, but I sure would like to fix this thing once and for all!!

During a recent production at the studio, he said something that triggered an idea: “I should put my whole damn self in the Fuck It Bucket!”2 Sure, it’s just a symbol for releasing stuff, but I’d gotten so distracted with trying to fix my body that I forgot about letting go. Plus, it’s one thing to let go of problems and issues “out there.” It’s something else entirely to let go of something I’m living in every moment of my life. I need all the help I can get!

The next morning, I finally had a moment to breathe, feel, and really commit to my choice to let go. My lovely golden bowl has served very well the last couple months, which means things really change when I put stuff in there along with the clear intention of releasing my grasp on it. (At some point I put my “mother aspect” in the FIB – which upended and rearranged all sorts of stuff!) So, I picked up the bowl and breathed. 

Always eager to help, my mind pulled up images of previous “releasing” sessions. But this was its own thing, and I didn’t want to pretend it was just like something else. So, I breathed some more, clearly choosing to put my body and all its habits and quirks into the bucket. 

An impulse came to put the bowl over my heart. Huh, weird. Okay.

More breathing, and then a strange sensation, as if hundreds of little “connections” were tumbling out of my heart into the bowl. Obviously, it was my mind trying to define and make sense of a deeper experience, but I “saw” it as a bunch of nodes and wires. They had been connected all throughout my body, and now they were coming apart, disconnecting, letting go. 

Well, I did say I wanted to release all the old patterns from my body, and this was a vividly literal way of doing that! Throughout the day, I was aware of the “un-patterning” process going on inside, along with various odd sensations now and then. Whatever it takes, I said to my Self. Do whatever you need to let it all go. I won’t fight

The next morning, I woke up feeling quite out of sorts, telling someone I felt “disconnected.” Really? my Self chuckled. Isn’t that what you chose, what, yesterday? Even so, I wanted to crawl in a cave and hibernate, not go be around other people, run a webcast, and listen to Adamus, which was what my schedule said. Well, there was a little time to spare but no cave in sight, so I sat down to breathe… and found myself on another adventure with Self. 

I’ve created a beautiful inner Secret Garden3 as a fantastic place of retreat. One of its features is a beautiful, jewel-lined rejuvenation pool, not far from a peaceful gazebo for reflection. But on this visit, I discovered something new. Over in the corner was the entrance to a cave! I smiled in delight as Self ushered my weary, disconnected-feeling human to the entrance. I walked inside, turned the corner into deep and silent darkness, and crawled into the luxurious pile of bedding on the floor. Ahhh, perfect! 

Grateful for my vivid imagination, I relaxed, melting into the softness. Thinking of the “connections” tumbling out of me the day before, I imagined my body without any inner structure. A peaceful puddle. Unstuck and unstructured. Damn, my bucket does a great job!

Then a qualia-fueled lightbulb came on. Oh my, I am a changeling! 

If you’ve ever watched Star Trek Deep Space Nine4 you know about Odo, a member of a unique race of beings whose natural state is liquid. Their home planet is basically a giant lake where they all live together in the Great Link. They are nicknamed “changelings” because they can take on the appearance of anyone and anything. However, they must return to liquid form on a regular basis to rest and regenerate. So, when living among humans, such as on a space station, the changeling keeps a bucket in their quarters as a little rejuvenation chamber. Interestingly, if they stay in their non-liquid form for too long, they get ill and may even die. 

So, there I was, in my bucket in my cave, letting all the old structures and connections dissolve. Whether from ancestors, past lives, mass consciousness or just life experiences, they were the energy patterns that had created my body. Being in solid form gets tedious and wearing, and eventually one builds up emotional, physical, and energetic scar tissue. Far better to let everything go on a regular basis like the changelings do! We humans used to do that at the end of a lifetime, but after so long on Earth we’ve gotten very, very stuck.

Cue the Fuck It Bucket and plunking my whole self into it. The more time I spend there, the more I feel the potential of total rejuvenation. It’ll probably take a while, seeing how there’s a lot of old patterns to melt, but it only takes a breath to imagine the inside of me melting and sloshing around unstructured, unstuck, and free. 

The key for my busy mind is to remind it that I’m choosing this. I’ve given it the assignment to keep letting go of old patterns, and to nudge me when I do something purely from habit. And, because it too is a creature of habit, the more often I confirm my choice, the easier it becomes. Dear mind has lots of ideas and questions, but it knows I’ve already experienced very significant shifts from putting other stuff in my bucket. So, we – my mind and me – already know that putting my body in there will not be in vain.

Of course, you may ask, “You’re just putting an imagined part of yourself into some imaginary bucket. How can this possibly affect your real human self, the one that’s living with discomfort and frustration?” 

The answer comes from another real-life example. I’ve been on a sourdough bread-making kick the last few weeks, and the whole process is based on having a little bucket (ha!) of starter. Once you have this healthy active catalyst, it just takes a small amount mixed into an entire batch of dough and the whole thing comes alive. By the same token, I just take my own inner bucket of unstructured self and mix it into the rest of me, and all of me starts changing! 

I can tell you without a doubt that it’s working. Some deep stuff is shifting, and maybe the results will emerge in another story. But I encourage you to play in your own imagination, in your own unique way, because it’s very, very real. I mean, why imagine the same old dreary issues when you can melt down all those connections and structures, rejuvenate yourself, and generate some new ones? I don’t yet have a way to explain this other than in metaphor, but soon we’ll be able to demonstrate the physics. I am certain of that.

Oh, and do you know what the real name of that race of beings is in Star Trek? “Changelings” is a nickname; they are known across the quadrant as the Founders. 

I had to chuckle when Adamus talked in Threshold about “the Founders,” the ones who’ve been with Crimson Circle for many years, because I sure related to this:

Drop all the causes, whether you’re fighting for the goddess or the forest or the fairies or the underprivileged or anything. Not because there’s a lack of compassion or understanding for what they’re going through, but you [have] other things to do, dear Founders…. The first group that goes through, these Founders, they’re paving the way.

If it were me, I’d probably say we’re UN-paving the way, disconnecting ourselves and releasing the old structures we got ourselves and everyone else stuck in. (Yep, the Founders started the whole Atlantean headband thing too, also covered in Threshold.) As all that old stuff melts down and returns back to pure core energy, well, let’s just say that miracles start happening. 



  • Jean Tinder

    As Crimson Circle’s Content Manager, Jean is fulfilling her life-long dream to shine her light in the world. On a spiritual journey since childhood, she found Crimson Circle in 2002, joined the staff in 2008 and never looked back. Her first book is called “Stories from My Last Lifetime”.



  1. Robert Landry

    thank you it a very good way ,i wacht deep space nine ,and i can relate to that ,and iam shure it will help.

  2. ❤️❤️❤️ ALWAYS love your articles, Dear Jean!!

    The Trekkie ref scared me a bit…I don’t understand Klingon!

    But you DO articulate and show us how ADAMUS-ISMS play out in REAL HUMAN (Shaumbra) life!

    Thank you for ALL YOU DO and LIVE and SHARE! ❤️❤️❤️

  3. Great article, dear Jean.Thank you. I have been playing around with making tabbouleh salad. First time ever….. It is quite a skilled thing to achieve
    a la Lebanese way. Avoid using short cut gadgets, the recipe says. But nothing to stop you! Chop the parsley really finely, with love and delight. Bulgar wheat should be fine too. Gradually add the other ingredients, with chopped spring onions,chopped mint leaves, lemon, and seasoning. Chuck into a bowl, and if you can wait until meal time,enjoy, with sourdough bread. It felt so creative to chop and discard, and see amazing results.PS Don’t forget to scoop out the insides of the tomatoes, [too much liquid there] and chop what is left finely….
    It is all about getting the ingredients just right, to achieve the desired taste. But so worth the time and effort. A real meditation in action! And a real healthy feast for body mind soul…….

  4. Awesome article, as always! I love your reference to Deep Space Nine’s Changelings/Founders! I was a big fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I watched Deep Space Nine for a short while and have since forgotten all about it. Your article triggered my memory about Constable Odo and how much I was specifically interested in his character. Makes so much sense now! LOL

    1. Anne Marie Barrow

      I googled the Odo too and realized this was the liquid golden lake of oneness I had been immersing myself in recently. Also used in client session with a Trekkie fan and she had a huge lightbulb aha moment. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🪞🎪🔥

  5. Anne Marie Barrow

    Love this … this resonates deeply and dovetails with a lot of my current dissolution e pereinces – I have a soul bowl 🥣 instead of a fib 😉 💫♾💚🚀🪐

  6. Dear Jean,
    Thank you, I love this idea! I am going to start today. And, welcome to sourdough baking. I started about 6 months ago. My favorite is my pumpernickel. Let me know if you would like to try it. 💖🥰

  7. I was so immersed in reading your article that I first felt the bowl on my head tickling my brain, then I visualised myself liquid in the bowl and I felt my body letting go of tensions and… I burst into laughs when I realised I was living your words. So, yes, indeed, the miracles start happening. 😃 Great article, as usual, dear Master Jean. Thank you.

  8. I was so immersed in reading your article that I first felt the bowl on my head tickling my brain, then I visualised myself liquid in the bowl and I felt my body letting go of tensions and… I burst into laughs when I realised I was living your words. So, yes, indeed, the miracles start happening. Great article, as usual, dear Master Jean. Thank you.

  9. Michelle Hirsekorn

    Jean, thank you so much for this sharing as well as all of the other awesome articles you have written. You wrote that you put your bowl to your heart…..however, my brain read that you put it on top of your head! When I looked back I was awestruck at my misconception. Methinks my Master self has spoken. I confess that I didn’t have fuck it bowl for myself as yet…hmm. I promptly ordered a gold bowl from Amazon which arrived today. I was careful to find one that would fit on top of my head. As I was washing it (consecrating it) Pandora radio played Imagine. Really, you can’t make this stuff up! My bowl will be a “whatever!” bowl. We all have heard Adamus say ALLOW hundreds of times, and one time I heard him say WHATEVER. I immediately saw a smart-assed teenager going “whatever” with the body language that went with it. Bingo…this one’s for me. Whatever = nonresistance = allowing. So grateful to be on this journey with you, all of you.

  10. Speaking of your imagination, a quote in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came to my mind: “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

  11. Joy Ligteringen

    I love this article very much! I forgot all about my secret garden! Time to go back and adjust it to my current needs. Thanks Jean!

  12. Love this, Jean! I was thinking to myself a couple of weeks ago, who was that Star Trek character who was a shape shifter? I liked him the best! I didn’t recall it was from deep space nine. And I had forgotten they rejuvenated in natural form, came from a golden lake and were the Founders! No coincidence there for us, little catalysts along the way! So fun. Thanks for answering my question!

  13. Wow, I could feel the change just by reading your article. Thank you so much, it has inspired me to let go of my “just barely enough” habit and give it a try like you have. Love, Christa

  14. I just came to read this article today (7/24/2023) and was so moved by it. Jean, you can articulate so darn good (well?) how you feel and experience things in life and it’s the right wording that touches me deeply. So often I feel overcome (overwhelmed?) by my emotions and bodily sensations that defy explanations. And to have someone as yourself to so masterly dissect these weird feelings into words is so comforting. I’m not alone in this! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing these golden pieces of wisdom. It helps me greatly and I shall look into getting a “bucket” of sorts and see what happens. THANK YOU!

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