By Jean Tinder
I recently found a new use for my Fuck It Bucket and, adding to the fun, it corresponds delightfully to my Trekkie1 facet! Here’s the story…
A lot of us are experiencing body issues and I am no exception. Strange twitchy behavior, wandering aches and pains, seeming inability to handle what was not a problem last week, and so on. Some days, my body feels healthier than ever. Other days, I wonder how it’s still functioning. I know Adamus says everything is okay and it’s all natural and blah blah blah, but I sure would like to fix this thing once and for all!!
During a recent production at the studio, he said something that triggered an idea: “I should put my whole damn self in the Fuck It Bucket!”2 Sure, it’s just a symbol for releasing stuff, but I’d gotten so distracted with trying to fix my body that I forgot about letting go. Plus, it’s one thing to let go of problems and issues “out there.” It’s something else entirely to let go of something I’m living in every moment of my life. I need all the help I can get!
The next morning, I finally had a moment to breathe, feel, and really commit to my choice to let go. My lovely golden bowl has served very well the last couple months, which means things really change when I put stuff in there along with the clear intention of releasing my grasp on it. (At some point I put my “mother aspect” in the FIB – which upended and rearranged all sorts of stuff!) So, I picked up the bowl and breathed.
Always eager to help, my mind pulled up images of previous “releasing” sessions. But this was its own thing, and I didn’t want to pretend it was just like something else. So, I breathed some more, clearly choosing to put my body and all its habits and quirks into the bucket.
An impulse came to put the bowl over my heart. Huh, weird. Okay.
More breathing, and then a strange sensation, as if hundreds of little “connections” were tumbling out of my heart into the bowl. Obviously, it was my mind trying to define and make sense of a deeper experience, but I “saw” it as a bunch of nodes and wires. They had been connected all throughout my body, and now they were coming apart, disconnecting, letting go.
Well, I did say I wanted to release all the old patterns from my body, and this was a vividly literal way of doing that! Throughout the day, I was aware of the “un-patterning” process going on inside, along with various odd sensations now and then. Whatever it takes, I said to my Self. Do whatever you need to let it all go. I won’t fight.
The next morning, I woke up feeling quite out of sorts, telling someone I felt “disconnected.” Really? my Self chuckled. Isn’t that what you chose, what, yesterday? Even so, I wanted to crawl in a cave and hibernate, not go be around other people, run a webcast, and listen to Adamus, which was what my schedule said. Well, there was a little time to spare but no cave in sight, so I sat down to breathe… and found myself on another adventure with Self.
I’ve created a beautiful inner Secret Garden3 as a fantastic place of retreat. One of its features is a beautiful, jewel-lined rejuvenation pool, not far from a peaceful gazebo for reflection. But on this visit, I discovered something new. Over in the corner was the entrance to a cave! I smiled in delight as Self ushered my weary, disconnected-feeling human to the entrance. I walked inside, turned the corner into deep and silent darkness, and crawled into the luxurious pile of bedding on the floor. Ahhh, perfect!
Grateful for my vivid imagination, I relaxed, melting into the softness. Thinking of the “connections” tumbling out of me the day before, I imagined my body without any inner structure. A peaceful puddle. Unstuck and unstructured. Damn, my bucket does a great job!
Then a qualia-fueled lightbulb came on. Oh my, I am a changeling!
If you’ve ever watched Star Trek Deep Space Nine4 you know about Odo, a member of a unique race of beings whose natural state is liquid. Their home planet is basically a giant lake where they all live together in the Great Link. They are nicknamed “changelings” because they can take on the appearance of anyone and anything. However, they must return to liquid form on a regular basis to rest and regenerate. So, when living among humans, such as on a space station, the changeling keeps a bucket in their quarters as a little rejuvenation chamber. Interestingly, if they stay in their non-liquid form for too long, they get ill and may even die.
So, there I was, in my bucket in my cave, letting all the old structures and connections dissolve. Whether from ancestors, past lives, mass consciousness or just life experiences, they were the energy patterns that had created my body. Being in solid form gets tedious and wearing, and eventually one builds up emotional, physical, and energetic scar tissue. Far better to let everything go on a regular basis like the changelings do! We humans used to do that at the end of a lifetime, but after so long on Earth we’ve gotten very, very stuck.
Cue the Fuck It Bucket and plunking my whole self into it. The more time I spend there, the more I feel the potential of total rejuvenation. It’ll probably take a while, seeing how there’s a lot of old patterns to melt, but it only takes a breath to imagine the inside of me melting and sloshing around unstructured, unstuck, and free.
The key for my busy mind is to remind it that I’m choosing this. I’ve given it the assignment to keep letting go of old patterns, and to nudge me when I do something purely from habit. And, because it too is a creature of habit, the more often I confirm my choice, the easier it becomes. Dear mind has lots of ideas and questions, but it knows I’ve already experienced very significant shifts from putting other stuff in my bucket. So, we – my mind and me – already know that putting my body in there will not be in vain.
Of course, you may ask, “You’re just putting an imagined part of yourself into some imaginary bucket. How can this possibly affect your real human self, the one that’s living with discomfort and frustration?”
The answer comes from another real-life example. I’ve been on a sourdough bread-making kick the last few weeks, and the whole process is based on having a little bucket (ha!) of starter. Once you have this healthy active catalyst, it just takes a small amount mixed into an entire batch of dough and the whole thing comes alive. By the same token, I just take my own inner bucket of unstructured self and mix it into the rest of me, and all of me starts changing!
I can tell you without a doubt that it’s working. Some deep stuff is shifting, and maybe the results will emerge in another story. But I encourage you to play in your own imagination, in your own unique way, because it’s very, very real. I mean, why imagine the same old dreary issues when you can melt down all those connections and structures, rejuvenate yourself, and generate some new ones? I don’t yet have a way to explain this other than in metaphor, but soon we’ll be able to demonstrate the physics. I am certain of that.
Oh, and do you know what the real name of that race of beings is in Star Trek? “Changelings” is a nickname; they are known across the quadrant as the Founders.
I had to chuckle when Adamus talked in Threshold about “the Founders,” the ones who’ve been with Crimson Circle for many years, because I sure related to this:
Drop all the causes, whether you’re fighting for the goddess or the forest or the fairies or the underprivileged or anything. Not because there’s a lack of compassion or understanding for what they’re going through, but you [have] other things to do, dear Founders…. The first group that goes through, these Founders, they’re paving the way.
If it were me, I’d probably say we’re UN-paving the way, disconnecting ourselves and releasing the old structures we got ourselves and everyone else stuck in. (Yep, the Founders started the whole Atlantean headband thing too, also covered in Threshold.) As all that old stuff melts down and returns back to pure core energy, well, let’s just say that miracles start happening.