My Bucket

My Bucket

By Jean Tinder

Sometimes I “get” something on such a deep feeling level that trying to unwind it into words seems ludicrous, like sifting the ocean one cup at a time or counting the snowflakes in a blizzard. It’s so much easier to have the full knowing permeate my being than try to squeeze it out into a linear string for you to read. But that’s what I’m here for, so let’s give it a whirl. 

It has to do with letting go, a topic still fresh in my mind from the recent Heaven’s Cross and April Shoud webcasts. For both events, the focal point on stage was the grand bowl or chalice that Adamus used to represent giving up everything to soul. He talked a great deal about how important it was to release everything that might still be holding us back, inviting us to just let all the crap go so that our soul can transform it into wisdom. The invitation was really like more a requirement from Self in order that we could start receiving the gifts of Heaven’s Cross. After all, if someone is offering you a beautiful gift but your hands are full of rubbish, it’s hard to receive the good stuff! 

Here’s the big picture that’s hard to put into words: it turns out that anything I’m holding onto is rubbish. The chalice of my soul isn’t only for letting go of the “bad stuff” and things I no longer want in my life. It’s there to remind me to drop everything and trust the flow. To really let go and let my God self take care of everything.

This level of letting go is a challenge because it runs directly counter to human nature. My human self has been trying to get un-lost for eons, and a large part of her remains convinced that if I believe the right thing, take the right actions, and please the right god in just the right way, maybe I’ll finally succeed. This human me believes that one day she can go beyond the hope of heaven into the actual experience, and she holds on desperately to every little glimpse or taste of that paradise. I can see that she’s still chasing the golden carrot, faithfully adapting to every new bit of information, and sorting experiences, expressions, feelings, ideas – everything about herself – into buckets of “Yes” and “No,” good and bad, wanted and rejected. And now, feeling how close heaven really is, she wants to get it right more than ever. 

Fortunately, there’s also a wise Master part of me, and I keep reminding my human that all her devoted effort is the opposite of allowing. The duality of “this but not that” is the opposite of integration. Struggle is the opposite of release. And perseverance – her forte! – is the opposite of letting go. For the most part, the admonitions work, and she’s pretty good at staying in the background. But recently I decided to give her a little boost.

Adamus’ metaphor of the chalice, this “holy grail” standing on the altar of the soul, became for me a potent symbol of trust. But holy as it is, I also wanted it to be fun and personal. I wanted my own chalice, my own reminder to “Let it go” and “Don’t pick it up again!” and sometimes “Yes honey, let that go too.” So, I went shopping, found a pretty bowl, set it on my table, and it’s been reminding her/me every single day. Funny though, its effectiveness is mostly due to the name I gave it. You see, sitting in a place of honor on a lovely glass table in my favorite room, you will find my elegant golden Fuck It Bucket

How do I let something go? Heck, how do I let everything go? By remembering that all the sorting I used to do doesn’t matter anymore, because now there’s only one bucket into which everything goes. 

Having a moment of self-doubt and loathing? Fuck it. 

Wishing some “super mom” part of me would get over it so that adult children might move on? Fuck it. 

Having trouble with the cognitive dissonance of hating on rich people while wishing I was abundant? Fuck it. 

Feeling overcome with peace, contentment, and joy – and wondering how to keep it that way? Fuck it. 

Disappointed about today’s aches and pains? Fuck it. 

Worried about how this project or that dream will turn out? Fuck it.

Sure, it can start out as a mind game, like repeating “I’m abundant and healthy” over and over while not really believing it. But when I remember nothing matters nearly as much as I used to think it did, it’s easy to keep letting go. The mind is still a little grumbly because it really likes having problems to solve. But “problems” and “solutions” are two of the old buckets I don’t use anymore, so I give the mind other stuff to noodle on. Trying another approach, dear mind asks, “How can I live a life of ease and grace without fixing the problems that are clearly standing in the way? How will they ever be solved if I let them go?” 

That’s when I look over at my Fuck It Bucket and remind my mind that it’s all about flow. And trust. And allowing. And all that other good stuff. And you know what? It works! 

It’s helpful for me to remember that my energy is like water and when I let go, it’s like removing the rubbish from a river. This beautiful flow meanders through my reality, bringing everything to life and life to everything. But when I sort things into the old buckets, it’s like a short-sighted developer who thinks she knows better than the river where and how it should flow. It might even be that some of her precious construction projects will get flooded out and destroyed if she stops managing everything. But if the river is simply allowed to flow, a whole new lush and verdant garden, full of everything she needs, will come into being. By working WITH my natural flow instead of fearing it, everything in my reality landscape can finally realign and reorient to what I really want, and all without any effort on my part! Once I toss all those management buckets into the beautiful golden Fuck It Bucket, the flow takes care of everything.

In fact, that’s exactly what’s happening in my life. Oh sure, I sometimes still get caught up in the problem/solution spin, in future/past beliefs like fear and regret, in otherness thinking like “I hate what that person’s doing.” But then I see my lovely little chalice, my bucket to replace all buckets, and remember what to do. One simple little phrase reminds me that the flow is always perfect. And then it is. Always. 


  • Jean Tinder

    As Crimson Circle’s Content Manager, Jean is fulfilling her life-long dream to shine her light in the world. On a spiritual journey since childhood, she found Crimson Circle in 2002, joined the staff in 2008 and never looked back. Her first book is called “Stories from My Last Lifetime”.



  1. Nina Spitzer

    Thank you Jean.The simplicity of your words cut through all the mental rubbish.Very much appreciated.

  2. Peter Suedkamp

    Dear Jean,

    it’s good to know that I am not alone with my experiences. There is still a little thing you mentioned in this article at the end… By working WITH my natural flow instead of fearing it,… I would say that first you wrote about allowing and here, just a tiny little moment later you wrote about „working with your natural flow. I truly feel what you do mean with that but you know that it’s not really about working with rather than allowing yourself and your natural flow wich to me would be having trust in yourself, you see?! But it’s still a beautiful article so thank you for sharing. Blessings!

    1. Peter Suedkamp

      Wich simply means: „Go with the flow and simply act upon the situation with the choices that do resonate with you the most.“ And when I am feeling deeply into my statement I realize that it really doesn’t matter because it always works out no matter what and therefore we have always been in the flow anyway. Beautiful and this adds to your way of putting it: „Fuck it“, because it doesn’t matter. So no one did anything wrong ever. It’s just an experience or as Tobias and other Ascended Masters put it: „It is that it is!“ (or was that it was-for past experiences). Now I have a big smile on my face because it’s all perfect as it is. So indeed all is well in all of Creation! Namaste 🙏

  3. Walter Pernstich

    Thank you Jean. ….and remind my mind that it‘s all about flow….and trust….and allowing….

  4. Ellen Radcliffe

    Thank you Jean! Your articles always seem to speak directly to me. I love this idea of your own chalice/bucket as a reminder to “stay the course.”

  5. Perfect Jean! Thanks for sharing. Loved your examples. And yup, let’s “CHUCK IT IN THE FUCK IT BUCKET”!

  6. Jean–this is hilariously beautiful and right-to-the-heart effective! Love it! I appreciate you and the articles you’ve shared here through the years! All the best!

  7. Thank you Jean. Always so truthful, I never miss reading Shaumbra Heartbeat. You have always inspire me. ❤️

  8. “…. My human self has been trying to get un-lost for eons….” Oh boy, that hit home!
    And I had to chuckle over this one: “Having trouble with the cognitive dissonance of hating on rich people while wishing I was abundant? Fuck it.”
    Fuck all of it!! And maybe the ‘new mind post Heavens Cross already serves as the Fuck it bucket, since it refuses to hold onto any detail: “like sifting the ocean one cup at a time or counting the snowflakes in a blizzard“
    Thanks Jean <3
    Sending you a rude hug

  9. Michelle Clark

    Thanks Jean!
    While going through the ceremony of putting all that I needed to let go of in the chalice, an inner voice said to put everything in and start life anew. I can honestly say that it has felt new for me.
    Good insights in your article.

  10. Jutta Friese

    Lovely Jean,
    thank you so much for another very insightful article. I love all of your stories and I am happy to find
    a place here to celebrate you . All the things you are writing here are so speaking to me and often it was directly
    hitting the point of what was happening at that specific time when your article came out. That`s so fantastic. !!!
    Big hug and enjoy the flow . Jutta

  11. André Ronesen

    Great reminder. Love the story.
    I have to go to the Fuck It Bucket store, and by myself a Fuck It Bucket.

  12. Dear Jean
    thank you for the wonderfull article.
    your FUCK IT BUCKET……I smiled…….because I have since many years a golden FUCK IT BUDDHA.
    This Buddha reminds me quick ……IT DOESN’T MATTER…..just experience…..fuck it.

  13. April Stearns

    Two wonderful gems in your article that I will keep close by – “golden carrot” and “fuck it bucket” – marvelous!

  14. Catherine Boyle

    Hi Jean, always the simplicity of your words, goes straight to my human and soul…haha unintentional rhyme and everything. Love your articles.

  15. Thank you Jane!
    For me, this Fuck it bucket is a fun and effective reminder of what already came into awareness in ML 15 in session 5 and wanted to be integrated and yes did happen in part. My energy is working for me and balancing itself in each moment if I allow and acknowledge it.

  16. Thank you Jane! 😊
    For me, this Fuck it bucket is a fun and effective reminder of what already came into awareness in ML 15 in session 5 and wanted to be integrated and yes did happen in part. My energy is working for me and balancing itself in each moment if I allow and acknowledge it.

  17. Jennifer Hawley

    Thank you! I woke this a.m. thinking about the yoke I am carrying, and envisioned laying it down so I could receive something else, and then I read this. BOOM! THANK YOU!!! You were able to put into words the FEELING, the fuck it, and it’s been what I’ve been feeling!!!! WOWZA!!!

  18. Muito obrigada pelo seu texto, Jean! É exatamente como me sinto e UAU, grande ideia ter meu próprio cálice que vai me lembrar todos os dias que NÃO IMPORTA! Vou até reler o shoud de Tobias que falava sobre isso… Obrigada por sempre representar nossa energia humana com tanta clareza.

  19. Querida Jean,adoro seus artigos e sua maneira de se expressar através das palavras,o que sempre ressoam em mim.
    Minha mente ainda tenta me atormentar e logo lanço para minha Alma.Eu me sinto como se vários intrusos estivessem,invadindo meu espaço minha vida.Sendo assim hoje dei um chega pra lá nessa turma e deixei bem claro que esta vida aqui e agora,Eu Sou a expressão da Alma !!!!
    Quem está experenciando tudo isso sou Eu, então quem escolhe Sou Eu,o resto vai para o cálice.
    Gratidão pelo artigo!!!!

  20. Joelle Koller

    I think it’s a great way to let go… but strangely it seems my mind is objecting, Fuck It Bucket feel to me as “I give you all my shit” dear soul and I’m still not at ease in that way, for the moment. I’ll let that be clarified in myself and will see if it’s better than “dear soul, I give you that pain, that fear etc. , because I don’t know how to deal with it and you will find the wisdom in it”… Not really at the point of letting ALL go in the chalice 😉 Thanks a lot <3

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