woman blended with starry univserse


By Jean Tinder

Heaven’s Cross is the news of the hour, and everyone is having their own unique experiences with it. Clearly, its effects are not a switch that’s toggled, but rather a gentle opening, a process of unfolding. In another way of saying, it is analog rather than digital, which allows us to deeply feel and experience the gradual changes rather than simply blink into a different reality (as we might wish sometimes). And for this I am very grateful because I wouldn’t want to miss a moment of what’s happening. 

Have you ever fallen in love? Whether the recognition was immediate, or it unfolded over months or years, wasn’t every moment of it delicious? Maybe you began to feel the gently dawning realizations of how special that person is, how much they mean to you, how delightful it feels to be in their presence. Maybe you felt the breathless excitement of knowing something amazing was beginning, curious what the next moment would bring, and wondering if they felt it too. No matter how it unfolds or how many times it happens, falling in love is one of the most beautiful experiences of being human. And, no matter how exhilarating it is in the beginning, the best case is when the energies eventually balance and smooth into the sweet contentment of deep love. 

Whenever my mind starts fussing that this reunion with my Self is taking too long or going too slow, I think of love, and realize that it’s going perfectly. After all, I wouldn’t want to go from the initial oblivion to the final contentment in the blink of an eye! There’s so much joy and delight I would miss, so many thrills I’d never have if it all went that fast. 

Over the years, Adamus has recommended that Shaumbra take a few days of solitude once a month to give ourselves a respite from the noise of mass consciousness and simply be with Self. However, in the weeks before Heaven’s Cross, he actually required that each fulltime staff member be alone and offline for a couple days. A lot has been swirling, and it would give us the time and space to feel into the energies of Heaven’s Cross and maintain our own balance with it all. I waited impatiently for a lull in the schedule and finally had my time away just a few days before the event. It took me a while to “take my foot off the gas,” so to speak, and let go of all the rushing busyness. But eventually I coasted into stillness, “Now I’m ready.” 

At peace with my Self, I breathed and slept and walked, ate wonderful food, journaled, and just enjoyed the solitude. But my mind had a lot of questions. “How do I tap into Heaven’s Cross? Surely, it’s already beginning, but what about the magic moment? And what does it all mean to me? ‘The Apocalypse’ sounds so… consequential. Fateful. Momentous. It sounds so serious. How do I prepare properly?”

I felt like I should be doing something to purposely open my consciousness, that I needed to meet this momentous event with a corresponding level of expansion or high state of awareness. So, I tried to focus, to “get somewhere,” but Self would have none of it. I used to do stuff like that during meditation years ago, but apparently this moment wasn’t about revisiting old tricks. I finally quit worrying about it and picked up a book I’d been reading. 

Then, with my mind thus occupied, something began stirring inside. My sweet Self didn’t want some overwrought technique, she wanted experience. She/me wanted to go to bed, rest some more, make love with myself, schedule a massage, and indulge in overall spoiling and pampering. Soon, I found myself overcome by a breathtakingly deep, sensual experience of love. Not just a nebulous idea of “I love everything” but the utmost feeling of love for myself. Enraptured by something I’d only felt hints of before, I realized this: Heaven’s Cross isn’t about some high expanded state of consciousness or unveiling a hidden magic wand. For me, it is simply and purely about love, about sinking deep, deep, deep into this ocean of sweet, beautiful love. 

My love.

To be honest, “love” is a woefully inadequate word here for all I want to convey. But it’s been living and growing in my reality, especially since Heaven’s Cross, and here is some of what it has come to mean, for me.

I love myself too much to doubt or hold back. The most loving and supportive thing I’m able to do for others is encourage them to follow their hearts, dreams, and desires. Why the hell not do that for ME with unabashed enthusiasm and self-approval? 

I love myself too much to stew about other people or engage in harsh opinions and conversations. Repetitive thoughts on the shortcomings of others had been infiltrating my seclusion and I’d been pushing them away with brute force and minimal success. Now, it was simply a matter of love – not for other people, but for me. It was about consciously choosing the inner environment I wanted for my own precious Self. 

I love myself too much to do “that,” meaning anything that’s not loving to me. Whether pushing myself to the point of exhaustion, indulging in juicy gossip, tolerating things, people or situations that aren’t good for me, saying “yes” when “no” is what I want – I love myself too much to do that anymore.

I love myself too much to feel guilty about an extravagant dinner, a personal treat, or a time of quiet just with me. 

I love myself WAY too much to give any more attention to my inner awfulizer (which I wrote about here). I mean, talk about a wild imagination! It takes very little to get it going, but it never feels good and now, well, with so much love there’s just no space for such things.

I love myself too much to fret over minor inconveniences or even big frustrations. Traffic is terrible, groceries are out of stock, kids are making mess, deadlines are looming – none of it is really worth my attention, so I take a breath and return to love.

I love myself too much to keep anything in my reality that doesn’t match.

Now, I know this love isn’t always as easy as it sounds and people do find it hard to love themselves. But I also believe that is changing. A couple weeks ago, I watched the movie Jesus Revolution. I really enjoyed it and felt quite a connection to the material, both because of the story (I used to attend a local branch of that church) and because of the subject (the long-awaited sprouting of the Christ seed I helped to plant). The beautiful thing about the literal Jesus revolution in the 60s & 70s was that it gave people a way to begin feeling divine love. “Even though I’m a mess, Jesus loves me anyway.” It was an opening, and eventually that beautiful love is found within. That, for me is the profound magic of Heaven’s Cross. What did Jesus teach if not the innate worthiness of being a child of God? What is the Christ seed if not the glimmer of realizing that I am God? 

The full, complete, and constantly expanding realization of this divine love is what I feel Heaven’s Cross brings. All there is for me to do is receive it, experience it, and live it. 

When there is love with another human, it opens the door to be known, seen, felt, and understood. It also invites the active and compassionate expression of that love, and that is exactly what’s opening within me to a greater depth than I could have ever imagined. 

It feels like I’m on honeymoon with Me.

P.S. While out to dinner with myself and writing about this love, someone walked through the restaurant wearing a shirt that said, “Love heals.” I would add, “Self-love heals everything.”


  • Jean Tinder

    As Crimson Circle’s Content Manager, Jean is fulfilling her life-long dream to shine her light in the world. On a spiritual journey since childhood, she found Crimson Circle in 2002, joined the staff in 2008 and never looked back. Her first book is called “Stories from My Last Lifetime”.


26 thoughts on “SHAUMBRA HEARTBEAT”

  1. Peter Suedkamp

    Yeah! I can deeply relate to you because I have times since the opening of the Heaven’s Cross of feeling a deep sense of Love suddenly coming up within myself during the day and I simply allow myself to enjoy it!

  2. André Ronesen

    Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I love to read your down-to-earth stories. It is so easy to relate to what you are putting down into words with so much love and compassion.

  3. Thank you Jean for your monthly stories of pure wiisdom 🙏❣️Your articles are always a precious gift from you to me and I am really deeply touched and grateful for your honesty and clairity thats within ❣️❣️❣️❣️Thank you🙏

  4. Thank you Jean,
    For articulating so eloquently, what I too am beginning to experience and crave for my Life experience right now.

  5. Asma-Esmeralda

    Your great writings are always spot on Jean! What a Wonderful opportunity for us to live a life full of Joy, abundance, love and of soulfulness! In light and consciousness! Biggest hugs 🤗!

  6. Dear Jean, thanks so much for your wonderful article. I can totally relate to it! For quite some time I haven´t been tolerating anymore what is not worthy of ME, not in sync or alignment. I feel so full, soul-full, of my own beingness and dignity and will nobody and nothing trying to let me believe the contrary, not even my aspects anymore. It´s an amzing time an experience coming fuilly back to myself. Love and hugs!

  7. Dear Jean, thanks so much for your wonderful article. I can totally relate to it! For quite some time I haven´t been tolerating anymore what is not worthy of ME, not in sync or alignment. I feel so full, soul-full, of my own beingness and dignity and will nobody and nothing trying to let me believe the contrary, not even my aspects anymore. It´s an amazing time, an experience coming fully back to myself. Love and hugs!

  8. Dear Jean, your articles are an inspiration to me and reading them has been in sincronicity with the river flowing through my life. And now for Heavens Cross I love this message of self love that you are giving, and if allowing things to unfold, each in our own time. Thank you so much! 💖

  9. Jean, you made me think of the homonymous movie, too much and “Two Much”. Loving ourselves seemed to me at times like being at least two of ourselves, externalizing to love and observe all the individual parts of us. I feel that now we can be multiple without needing to be divided anymore, and we can be One without losing the infinite variety of all that we are. In loving ourselves, there is no longer any projection, only allowing and losing ourselves in the consciousness of Being.

  10. Hi Jean,
    I am so happy to finally find a way to let you know how much I love your monthly articles. They are my favorite part of the newsletter, and they almost always resonate with me. I agree with all the other eloquent posters here.

    Thank you and please don’t quit.

  11. Hello Jean,
    I can relate to it. Sometimes we need a push not to use the break but to take the foot from the gas as you write. (before a crazy angel puts his foot on the brake 🙂 After sailing some really stormy weathers in my life I decided beginning of the year to return to the Island after a long break of 4 years. At that time I had no clue about Heavens Cross 🙂 Finally it came out to be here in Kona on march 22, well prepared through Adamus in “Masters in Communication” and: I’m on the Island for the 7th time and will stay for 7 weeks.
    Since I arrived, my personal coach from the other side is working hard with me doing nothing else than what I love to do. To name that time honeymoon is a great idea. Mahalo, Andreas

  12. Another lovely article, dear Jean. Always so heartfelt.Thank you.
    As we move more “Quantum” I guess love could be interpreted as
    L ight O scillating V ibrational E nergy.
    Not my interpretation, but I heard it somewhere…….x
    With the Opening of Heaven’s Cross, self- love is inevitable sooner or later?

  13. I love this Jean… it so resonates and I have felt indulgent to do only what I choose, even though the tugging from others for more and to play out the old patterns with them. No more…. it is sublime to allow self and embrace my love. You express it all so well. Thank you.

  14. I want to tape your list on the fridg and visit it when my mind forgets the truth of what I’ve chosen.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top