By Jean Tinder
Heaven’s Cross is the news of the hour, and everyone is having their own unique experiences with it. Clearly, its effects are not a switch that’s toggled, but rather a gentle opening, a process of unfolding. In another way of saying, it is analog rather than digital, which allows us to deeply feel and experience the gradual changes rather than simply blink into a different reality (as we might wish sometimes). And for this I am very grateful because I wouldn’t want to miss a moment of what’s happening.
Have you ever fallen in love? Whether the recognition was immediate, or it unfolded over months or years, wasn’t every moment of it delicious? Maybe you began to feel the gently dawning realizations of how special that person is, how much they mean to you, how delightful it feels to be in their presence. Maybe you felt the breathless excitement of knowing something amazing was beginning, curious what the next moment would bring, and wondering if they felt it too. No matter how it unfolds or how many times it happens, falling in love is one of the most beautiful experiences of being human. And, no matter how exhilarating it is in the beginning, the best case is when the energies eventually balance and smooth into the sweet contentment of deep love.
Whenever my mind starts fussing that this reunion with my Self is taking too long or going too slow, I think of love, and realize that it’s going perfectly. After all, I wouldn’t want to go from the initial oblivion to the final contentment in the blink of an eye! There’s so much joy and delight I would miss, so many thrills I’d never have if it all went that fast.
Over the years, Adamus has recommended that Shaumbra take a few days of solitude once a month to give ourselves a respite from the noise of mass consciousness and simply be with Self. However, in the weeks before Heaven’s Cross, he actually required that each fulltime staff member be alone and offline for a couple days. A lot has been swirling, and it would give us the time and space to feel into the energies of Heaven’s Cross and maintain our own balance with it all. I waited impatiently for a lull in the schedule and finally had my time away just a few days before the event. It took me a while to “take my foot off the gas,” so to speak, and let go of all the rushing busyness. But eventually I coasted into stillness, “Now I’m ready.”
At peace with my Self, I breathed and slept and walked, ate wonderful food, journaled, and just enjoyed the solitude. But my mind had a lot of questions. “How do I tap into Heaven’s Cross? Surely, it’s already beginning, but what about the magic moment? And what does it all mean to me? ‘The Apocalypse’ sounds so… consequential. Fateful. Momentous. It sounds so serious. How do I prepare properly?”
I felt like I should be doing something to purposely open my consciousness, that I needed to meet this momentous event with a corresponding level of expansion or high state of awareness. So, I tried to focus, to “get somewhere,” but Self would have none of it. I used to do stuff like that during meditation years ago, but apparently this moment wasn’t about revisiting old tricks. I finally quit worrying about it and picked up a book I’d been reading.
Then, with my mind thus occupied, something began stirring inside. My sweet Self didn’t want some overwrought technique, she wanted experience. She/me wanted to go to bed, rest some more, make love with myself, schedule a massage, and indulge in overall spoiling and pampering. Soon, I found myself overcome by a breathtakingly deep, sensual experience of love. Not just a nebulous idea of “I love everything” but the utmost feeling of love for myself. Enraptured by something I’d only felt hints of before, I realized this: Heaven’s Cross isn’t about some high expanded state of consciousness or unveiling a hidden magic wand. For me, it is simply and purely about love, about sinking deep, deep, deep into this ocean of sweet, beautiful love.
To be honest, “love” is a woefully inadequate word here for all I want to convey. But it’s been living and growing in my reality, especially since Heaven’s Cross, and here is some of what it has come to mean, for me.
I love myself too much to doubt or hold back. The most loving and supportive thing I’m able to do for others is encourage them to follow their hearts, dreams, and desires. Why the hell not do that for ME with unabashed enthusiasm and self-approval?
I love myself too much to stew about other people or engage in harsh opinions and conversations. Repetitive thoughts on the shortcomings of others had been infiltrating my seclusion and I’d been pushing them away with brute force and minimal success. Now, it was simply a matter of love – not for other people, but for me. It was about consciously choosing the inner environment I wanted for my own precious Self.
I love myself too much to do “that,” meaning anything that’s not loving to me. Whether pushing myself to the point of exhaustion, indulging in juicy gossip, tolerating things, people or situations that aren’t good for me, saying “yes” when “no” is what I want – I love myself too much to do that anymore.
I love myself too much to feel guilty about an extravagant dinner, a personal treat, or a time of quiet just with me.
I love myself WAY too much to give any more attention to my inner awfulizer (which I wrote about here). I mean, talk about a wild imagination! It takes very little to get it going, but it never feels good and now, well, with so much love there’s just no space for such things.
I love myself too much to fret over minor inconveniences or even big frustrations. Traffic is terrible, groceries are out of stock, kids are making mess, deadlines are looming – none of it is really worth my attention, so I take a breath and return to love.
I love myself too much to keep anything in my reality that doesn’t match.
Now, I know this love isn’t always as easy as it sounds and people do find it hard to love themselves. But I also believe that is changing. A couple weeks ago, I watched the movie Jesus Revolution. I really enjoyed it and felt quite a connection to the material, both because of the story (I used to attend a local branch of that church) and because of the subject (the long-awaited sprouting of the Christ seed I helped to plant). The beautiful thing about the literal Jesus revolution in the 60s & 70s was that it gave people a way to begin feeling divine love. “Even though I’m a mess, Jesus loves me anyway.” It was an opening, and eventually that beautiful love is found within. That, for me is the profound magic of Heaven’s Cross. What did Jesus teach if not the innate worthiness of being a child of God? What is the Christ seed if not the glimmer of realizing that I am God?
The full, complete, and constantly expanding realization of this divine love is what I feel Heaven’s Cross brings. All there is for me to do is receive it, experience it, and live it.
When there is love with another human, it opens the door to be known, seen, felt, and understood. It also invites the active and compassionate expression of that love, and that is exactly what’s opening within me to a greater depth than I could have ever imagined.
It feels like I’m on honeymoon with Me.
P.S. While out to dinner with myself and writing about this love, someone walked through the restaurant wearing a shirt that said, “Love heals.” I would add, “Self-love heals everything.”