SHAUMBRA HEARTBEAT
✨AI Generated artwork by Marc Ritter
This is It
I have a vague feeling that something is wrong. Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s like I’ve forgotten something or missed a memo or fallen off the proverbial wagon. I haven’t written in my journal for months. It’s my ‘go to’ place for sorting out issues and problems and aspect hassles, but the last entry was many moons ago. My Fuck It Bucket stands empty and unused for weeks. Have I missed something? Am I falling back asleep? Has my consciousness stopped expanding? Am I just getting lazy? What’s wrong with me?
Upon further inquiry, it turns out that these questions and doubts are coming from the ancient, doggedly persistent version of myself that was determined to get me… here. She’s kept me going through thick and thin, dragging me back into biology after the most miserable lifetimes, nudging my return to the path after the most enjoyable diversions. Now she’s at it again, looking for her next assignment, but it’s just not coming – or I’m not listening – and she’s feeling uneasy.
Me, on the other hand – the Me who’s in charge of all these other parts and voices of my Self – is doing just fine. I’m not disturbed by the absence of the old familiar drive to constantly improve, dig through inner issues, pursue my aspects, understand reality, and fix the world and everyone in it. Those things have captivated me for ages, but now I’m losing interest. Not because they’ve lost their value, but because they are – dare I say – fulfilled.
✨AI Generated artwork by Marc Ritter
Now, this doesn’t mean my days are without challenges, or that I never hurt or doubt or cry. It doesn’t mean I sleep perfectly every night or that my car never needs repairs or that people around me are always wise and agreeable. But I have a different perspective, and therefore a different experience of all that. To be honest, I mostly don’t care what’s going on. Not because I’m indifferent, but because I know it all works out, and therefore doesn’t really matter.
What does matter now? Well, life is rich and full and fun and highly sensory. After denying myself the deep pleasures of human life for way too long, now I indulge daily in the simple experiences of human existence. Twenty minutes with my morning coffee makes it worth getting out of my comfy bed. The morning light streaming in shares its beauty and highlights the dust I need to clean. The evening playdate with friends that finds me a wee bit sloshed and way too tired. A generous amount of time-squandering this weekend even though work deadlines are pressing in. The never finished ‘to do’ list that doesn’t feel as heavy as it used to. I feel it all, but no longer as stuff to fix or change, simply sensual experience – which makes that stubbornly virtuous part of me uneasy. I mean, even the thesaurus offers “unspiritual” as a synonym for “sensual.” (Really!!)
The point is, I’m enjoying life as it is. I’m in the flow, but it’s a little different than I expected it would be. Sure, it’s often smooth and peaceful, but I’m learning to enjoy the commotion too. If the flow is like a river, sometimes there are little eddies where I’m suddenly in a spin or even going backwards. Or there’s nothing but turbulence and obstacles as far as I can see. But I know now, very deeply, that this river of my energy will always keep flowing. I don’t need to fight the eddies or the rapids or the waterfalls, for none of it is wrong. It’s all simply flowing.
Sure, we all still have rough days, weeks, months – heck, my last two articles were about things going wrong – so I wonder if it’s even appropriate to write about how easy life is these days. Will my rambling be annoying instead of uplifting? But I believe this flow is how life was always meant to be, and the whitewater makes it fun and interesting! This is what we’ve been chasing for eons – an ease with our own energy so deep that we don’t have to fight it anymore.
What happens then is a very subtle magic. Not the unrealistic whizbang tricks of manifesting a castle in the hills or the winning lottery numbers. No, it’s a delicate alchemy where everything is in motion constantly realigning to serve me. Even when life is chaotic, messy, or painful, it’s still in the never-ending process of working out just fine. For example, tax season is always busy season at Crimson Circle, so I usually file an extension to postpone the inevitable brain-numbing number crunching. It finally got done and the other day my CPA sent me a minor question about something. This prompted the discovery of a mistake that would have cost me $1000 because I forgot to write a “1” on the worksheet. I never would have found my error if she hadn’t asked about something else, but these days everything insists on working out exactly right, even when my brain is completely mismanaging it.
What I really want to say is that this stuff we’re doing is real. It works. All that’s required is never giving up – on loving yourself, accepting yourself, trusting yourself no matter what – and sticking with it especially in the middle of an aspect storm. There IS a payoff, and you can remind the uneasy, judgy, doubtful and fearful parts of yourself to stand down. They’ve done their job and now you’ve made it. No more need for worry about getting something wrong.
✨AI Generated artwork by Marc Ritter
That helpfully suspicious part of me is only an aspect to be accepted, but she doesn’t get to run my life anymore. I can welcome her input and concern, but without believing her insistence on my looming failure. It’s an opportunity to reassure her – and myself – that everything is working out just great. And isn’t that the point of all this? Isn’t the whole reason for being on Earth to get things flowing again? To stop struggling with energy, which is really just fighting with myself? I’m finally figuring out that nothing is actually wrong, no one needs to be fixed, and there have been no mistakes. All those notions are only resistance to my flow. In truth, it’s all just an experience on this wild river of life. No need to control the flow or tame the river; I’m here to enjoy the ride.
So, I take another breath and revel in whatever life is offering in this moment, whether pain, pleasure, problems, or comfort. The old proverb says, “No man ever steps in the same river twice” and I will never live this moment again. Instead of trying to fix it, I’m going to thoroughly experience it.
This is it, what I’ve been striving for forever, and I don’t want to miss a thing.
It’s rare that I ever read your article (if ever) and don’t say, “That’s exactly what I needed to ‘hear’ “. Happened again. Thank you Jean.
Same!
Totally agree❤️
Thank you! Wonderfull helpfull as always!
Since longer time I thought I got lazy……asked myself ” whats going on with me?”
” you need to keep up with spiritual stuff …..you need to write daily about your experiences…..your dreams……etc” said a voice.
No…..I don’t have to write down about experience…..I just enjoy my experience. Dive deep into life. No need to understaand.
I don’t have to understand before I can have an experience.
” if you don’t keep up……you will stay behind any loose it all” says a voice……….
Smile…….its wraped.
Dear Jean, thank you for the beautiful insights. I had a similar experience like you with the tax. I was at a printer, making sure the brochure I was having printed for a client was looking good. Well, it didn’t, everything was way too red, and I had to stop the whole process (talk about stopping a 6 color printing machine, the time wasted etc.). In the end I had a chance to let the photos of the brochure be retouched, and they turned out way better, than they would have if the machine hadn’t gone “haywire” on the red. That was the first time I knew: life is happening FOR you and not TO you.
@Marc Ritter, beautiful artwork.
Yup! This IS it!! Thank you, Jean. As (almost ;-)) always: Right on the spot. Or should I say: In the flow. – Keep up your great writing.
Dear Jean 💖
As always….your articles are full of true wisdom, honesty and therfore pour GRANDNESS ❣️Thank you because it seems we are having similar experiences and I am so grateful for your insights because they are always a confirmation of my own perception and let me go deeper and deeper in self-trust 😍 Please, keep on writing and sharing your treasures – THANK YOU 😘🙏💖
Dear Jean 💖
As always….your articles are full of true wisdom, honesty and therfore pour GRANDNESS ❣️Thank you because it seems we are having similar experiences and I am so grateful for your insights because they are always a confirmation of my own perception and let me go deeper and deeper in self-trust 😍 Please, keep on writing and sharing your treasures – THANK YOU 😘🙏💖
Дорогая Джин,благодарю за поток!
…Итак, я делаю еще один вдох и наслаждаюсь всем, что предлагает жизнь в этот момент, будь то боль, удовольствие, проблемы или комфорт. Старая пословица гласит: “Ни один человек никогда не войдет в одну реку дважды”, и я никогда больше не проживу этот момент. Вместо того, чтобы пытаться исправить это, я собираюсь полностью прочувствовать это….
Я есть поток!!!
Dear Jean,
Thank you for your article which is so comforting to me, as I can totally relate to your experiences. I also asked myself if I’m getting lazy and actually I came to the same result. Enjoying life in it’s simplicity, sensuality, complexity and abundance of experiences AND knowing that all is well.
I love and appreciate your articles very much – they are down to Earth and highly inspirational to me. Thanks a lot!
New mantra: “… everything insists on working out exactly right, even when my brain is completely mismanaging it.”
🤣 I like that. I always thought mantras to be boring but now it looks like everything is changing – and nothing looks different. WE HAVE REALLY, REALLY FINISHED THE HARD WORK! And can now enjoy work as well as everything else. Yuppiiiiiee
Thank you just what I needed to hear.
Once again our beautiful Jean writes to our hearts and helps us see what is happening in a language very understandable. We love you Jean!
Exactly! Perfectly put, love you Jean and thank you (PATTYT and Jean❤️
Loved it Jean!
I’m feeling the issue of ‘control’ throughout this months articles. Good timing
Thank you dear Jean,
Yes I haven’t meditated in months. Yet this morning I sat and watched the fog rise out of the canyon as the sun rays became stronger. Shear beauty and in gratitude for just being. Your articles always seem to hit the spot. I too am witnessing the smooth flow of things coming so effortlessly, it’s quite magical and so appreciated. To be experiencing my energy in a way I could never have before.
In gratitude
Perfect timing as usual Jean lol! I was just sitting here with my coffee thinking that I just don’t have that ‘ol “drive” anymore to make things happen vs allowing… My journal still remains blank pages. Discipline gone. Spontaneity reigns. Yet surprisingly things like washing windows happened the other sunny day with ease and grace lol. AND cleaning the SUV! Everything truly does happen with ease and grace despite a lurking aspect warning of impending doom and guilt for not working harder…. You’re right. This IS the life we’ve been waiting to experience finally. We just haven’t had a template. EnJOY.
Tu artículo que recordó, igual que con los dos últimos Keahak, que estoy en medio de la nada y encima de todo. Queriendo decir que soy auto egocéntrica y soy auto consciente. Que estoy en la gravedad y más allá de ella ; que estoy en materia y en el campo oscuro.
¿Es también un juego todo esto? ¿Por qué no? Solo queda que lo vivamos sensualmente.
El arte de Marc lo dice igualmente: estamos en río revuelto “Y” estamos en el fluir del Río
Gracias a ti y a Marc reflejando en una obra de arte y en un escrito quien soy yo en este momento
AND YES, CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE is the main point I am experiencing now …. 👍
Being able to be fooling around like a child , laughing 😀 especially about myself and enjoying my life as it comes ….
😯🌺🌈😉❤️😀
Great article, thank Jean 🤗🌺😘
Thank you Jean. I love it when you describe what my life is like right now, the chaos part. The reminder that it doesn’t matter and everything works out is much appreciated. Sometimes I don’t recognize the flow. Then there it is. 😊
Thank you Jean, I feel and am behaving similarly. I had to set firmer boundaries because I’d been too open with a couple of people who saw me as an unconditional loving sort of individual, whereas I do need respect. I also have noticed my spidery senses are working even better. I love reading your articles each month. 😊
we are all synchronized in this group, is Saint Germain to blame for this or did he just bring us together, that is my doubt hahahah……..kisses Adamussssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!……
Querida Jean, GRATIDÃO por seu artigo,como sempre eu adorei!!!