SHAUMBRA HEARTBEAT
TRUST THE CRAP
By Jean Tinder
When I was growing up as a very devout Christian, one of the things I fervently wished for was the ability to take away people’s suffering. I loved the stories about Jesus healing people, whether through his kindness and wisdom or by his healing touch. Oh, to be able to work such wonders in the lives of others! I am still fueled by this desire, although the dream of wielding a magic wand has necessarily given way to the more realistic and honoring approach of “show and tell.” If I can share some of what’s working for me, perhaps it will illuminate a potential for someone else. In the end, every large or small realization must come from within each person, in their own perfect time. It’s hard to watch others suffer, but I have to trust the perfection I know is already there.
Hundreds of Shaumbra have spent years and decades exploring consciousness, learning who they are, sharing with others, and faithfully consuming the Shouds and other CC materials. And yet, so many still wonder when life will finally get better, when their body will stop hurting, when their abundance will start flowing, and all the other wonders they feel Tobias and Adamus have promised. Filled with longing the questions come: “What more must I do to realize the completion and joy that’s been assured? When will I finally feel and commune with my soul?”
Having had plenty of those same moments, I get it! What’s the point of going through all the crap if there’s nothing to show for it, no tangible changes in my life? In the end, I can only share “around” the solution rather than give it directly, because the answers are only ever found within. It’s all about where I’m looking and what I’m choosing to perceive.
It is human nature to look out there, up there, or anywhere beyond here for solace and redemption. If my body hurts, I want something to fix it. If I feel alone, I want someone to bring me comfort. If money is short, I want a miracle to land in my mailbox. It seems life has always been about chasing the dream of something better than this.
Unfortunately, the chase will never be fulfilled because I’m running in the wrong direction. Well, it’s not wrong, exactly. The chase has brought me lifetimes full of rich experience, wonder, pain, and everything else. But when I’ve had enough, chasing harder or running faster doesn’t get me to my coveted reward. The solution to getting there – to reunion with my soul and a life beyond suffering – is so very, very simple. But in the gritty moment when I need it most, it doesn’t look or feel like much of a solution.
Here’s the secret: stop trying to get somewhere else and be right here in the middle of the grit and mess and frustration – the crap – of this moment. We’ve heard it a million times: the only way out is in. That doesn’t mean “Okay, I’m in, now let me out!” but rather, “There’s nothing left except to be all in.” Full stop.
What I know is that everything I experience is my creation. Whether consciously chosen or not, full of beauty and grace or chaos and drama, every bit of every moment is a gift from Me to me. When I can open to that possibility, the thing I’ve been chasing slips just a little closer. It doesn’t mean everything goes how I want it to or that life stops hurting. It means I remember that all is well, no matter what that “all” includes, and since it’s my gift to me, something good will surely result – IF I stop chasing and stay here to receive it.
I recently went through an extremely painful health issue. Physical pain is very distracting and takes a LOT of attention, and this flared up smack in the middle of a series of super intense work deadlines that wouldn’t wait until I felt better. It’s easy to feel enlightened and serene when the body isn’t screaming. But with pain, all the lofty ideals go out the window. Again and again, I reminded myself to return to the breath and at least try to receive this experience rather than resist it. But many times, I forgot, tensing up and withdrawing from my body until it was practically on autopilot. It’s an understandable reaction to pain, but essentially abandoning myself results in feeling even worse. So, I would breathe… be with the pain… forget… breathe… be with it… on and on. Sometimes my nervous system felt overloaded, flooded with stress hormones and ready to snap. I took good care of my body, being as gentle and supportive as possible while she dealt with the situation, but sometimes tears were the only expression she could manage. I tried to remember that this was serving me… somehow. Finally, with treatment and medication, things began to turn around. The intensity abated and I started feeling more like myself again.
In short, I went through a few weeks of absolute crap. So, why do I say to “trust it”? Well, if I believe everything really IS a gift from Me to me, then it makes sense to trust my own creation. Otherwise, I won’t receive the gift and Self will just have to send it again. (No, please!) Of course, all the human stuff came up – Why me? Why now? Why this? WTF? – but I (usually) answered those questions “Because it’s (hopefully) serving me.”
I decided to imagine the torment being a blessing, even if I couldn’t yet imagine how, and gradually that possibility began to emerge. Putting my whole body into my bucket again and again, I trusted and imagined that the old crappy stuck energy causing the pain was dissolving and releasing. And hurray for the creative power of imagination! I couldn’t imagine healing, being too busy with its opposite, but I could imagine it bringing a yet unknown gift. And now, as my body recovers, I do feel new clarity, balance, and a deep sensuality I’ve been longing for.
This “trust the crap” business applies outside of me too. It seems like everyone is uptight right now, and when people dear to me manage to push each other’s buttons it’s hard to watch the crap start blowing up. If only they’d ask for my advice – and follow it, of course. If only they’d take a deep breath and see things from the other’s perspective. If only Person A would do this, and Person B would say that. If only… and there I am, wanting that magic fixie wand again (it’s like a pixie wand but less realistic). But if I really trust it, their crap is as much a gift as is mine. And if theirs is bothering me, that’s MY crap, possibly reminding me about compassion.
The only way out is in, whether pain, integration, abundance, or anything else we wish for.
A very dear and wise friend (who doesn’t follow Crimson Circle) recently shared with me something they have learned about dealing with difficult emotions. I would like to share it here (with their permission) because the wisdom is very practical.
Turning Toward the Feeling
The most helpful practice I have found for dealing with painful emotions is turning my attention toward the feeling and being fully with it. Often when difficult emotions arise, my inclination is to try to avoid or escape the experience with activities, alcohol, people, drugs, entertainment, work, business, reactive thinking, or other distractions. Turning toward the feeling can seem counter intuitive because it involves taking a quiet moment to giving my full attention to feeling the discomfort rather than turning away from it.
I find it helpful to be quiet, alone, and still, and take a moment to attend to what is going on inside of me. In this experience, I am not so interested in the story of my upset, but in the sensations that are present. I don’t want to go into the details of why I am feeling this or how things should be different, but just be with the feeling in my body. Where do I feel it? What does it feel like? I hold these questions lightly to keep my attention on the experience. If other related feelings arise such as self-judgment, anger, or self-doubt, I can just fold those into the process and feel them as well. It is not uncommon for tears to come, or sometimes a subtle feeling of panic, like I am going to burst out of my skin. I think this is ok too, and it passes.
I sit in this direct experience of the difficult feelings for as long as they are active, whether 5 minutes or an hour. In time, they seem to dissolve or “be digested” and less acute. When a sense of peace or “OK-ness” returns, I go on with my day.
It is very helpful to maintain a kindness to myself in this process. I am not trying to suffer or be miserable, and certainly not punish myself. This is not about fixing me, making me better or correcting myself in any way. It is simply about being with my difficult experience with gentle, kind awareness, and I find it to be the most loving thing I can do for myself.
As we’ve been told so many times, integration and Realization are natural, and everyone will eventually find their way. The reunion with Self and everything else you long for unfolds in the gentle moments of simply being present with yourself even – especially – when things feel crappy. With that much trust, nothing else is needed.
Beautifully written. I distilled it down to: „Be all that you are.“
That’s the ultimate acceptance/love of Self!
Thank you for posting very potent thoughts. A couple of references came up that I found I have used in the past. One very funny birthday card I picked up a few years ago went something like this: It’s easy to smile when your ship comes in and your friends all love you a lot. But the man/woman who is brave is a man who can smile when their shorts creep up in a knot. (or something like that) The other reference to the sage Milarepa who was bedeviled by his demons. They kept pestering him, eating his food, and in general disrupting his life. Finally in desperation he invited them in for tea. Thank you Jeanne for all your postings! (I too live with sudden episodes of discomfort)
Turning towards the feeling with kindness is a very potent message, and one that I find to be very helpful. Glad that you are on the mend!
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Ufff…I needed this reminder. Me and crap have been like 🤞 the last two days. 😣
Dear Jean 🤗
As always I appreciate you and your articles ❣️For me it always is treasure and pure wisdom – I love also your honesty – thats Mastery 👍Be well and THANK YOU
liebe jean, danke für deine Weisheit. für mich war besonderes der Hinweis dass du Behandlungen und Medikamente zugelassen hast gut. Ich war bei diesem thema so verwirrt…… ist es angemessen für mich zum arzt zu gehen und medikamente zu nehmen? Ich weiss dass alles meine energie ist….aber trotzdem gab es bei diesem thema ein grosses fragezeichen….. Danke
Liebe Margit, das get mir genauso. Stecke sogar gerade mitten in so einer Situation.
Hallo Margit,
Ich kann dich gut verstehen.
Weil…bei mir wae es auch so….dass ich wusste dass alles meine Energie ist……aber nicht wirklich vertraute…..
Jetzt kann ich es tief fühlen…..
Alles ist meine Energie.
Meine Energie schadet mir nie.
Ich nehme auch Medikamente.
Sie dienen mir und ich empfange.
Wünsche dir rine WUNDERbare Zeit.
Gruss aus Österreich.
This is so interesting what your friend shared with you: it is called “Peace Process” and I learned about this really useful tool in 2015 when I attended a coaching event in San Diego with Christian Mickelsen (I guess he is more Shaumbra than he knows). And in 2017 when I was on stage in Santa Fé at the annual CC meeting I already talked about this beautiful way of meeting feelings of fear and all kind of emotions that let us feel “uncomfortable” just by not running away anymore but to stop, turning around and letting them come to you and really feel them. (yes indeed, that’s what I said. Interesting, right?) It is truly the key to so many things Adamus is taking about and to really get even difficult things to integrate. Because we don’t fear the stories we once wrote and that they will happen again, but we are afraid of the feelings that the stories produced and we don’t want to feel those feelings again. That’s when we need to stop to start feeling them again in a neutral and compassionate way so they can finally integrate, once and for all. And they will, mostly within minutes. Forever. Truly. 🙂
Jean your articles have helped me so much through the years, I can’t thank you enough.
Brilliantly articulated as usual dear Jean. I know when I first awakened 40 plus years ago diving into my deep depression and truly feeling it, avoiding drugs, therapy etc is really what flipped the switch for me! I didn’t know at the time that my “darkness was my divinity!” It’s a good reminder now to receive it all and “dance with what comes to the door”….
Gran reseña para aprender a recibir no solo los diamantes sino también la mierda que poseemos. Gracias
Jean, another great article, and it just happened to be about what I experienced with a friend I visited. She has anxiety and for this she takes eye drops which cause high blood pressure, and keep her focused on anxiety. It took a stranger to tell me to be ‘understanding.’
oh yes indeed. I was just sitting on the toilet and being frustrated because..literally all is stuck. full of crap.(no) shit happens indeed.
thank you for this crapy story! hahaha
accpetence and going within, thank you
It was a very timely and important message/ reminder for me. I thank you Jean and the friend of yours.
Thank you, Jean, your article is wonderful again. Relaxing, uplifting, touching, helpful. Owning everything, trusting in the “gift in everything”, accepting, quitting the fight, just being with myself and my physical and emotional sensations… That’s it. Not new, but such a good reminder, as I/we tend to fall back into struggling, fighting, trying to fix things… Just taking a deep breath and pausing is already healing and relaxing. Thank you!
Simply brilliant, dear Jean! Your insights are particularly helpful for me at this time. Much love!
Gracias Jean es justo lo que necesitaba escuchar!!!! Bendiciones y abrazooo.
Thank you most beautiful & authentic Master.
I have been playing with “turning towards the feeling” for a while now. I have used it with grief as well. Instead of denying, running away or hiding from it, I simply feel into it & allow. It’s very beautiful & I can flow out of it more quickly with ease & grace. It doesn’t mean it won’t return , but if & when it does, I can embrace it.
Thanks Jean,
Just what I needed to hear. Last night I managed to breath through and allow acute pain and get rid of it, other times I struggle, or don’t remember and just suffer. Your relatable and practical article has really given me a boost. Was falling into the “I am too stupid for this” trap again.
So thanks again!🙏🏼
OH CRAP!!
Thank you very much for this sharing which made sense to me and which came at the right time. The sincerity of this article goes straight to my heart. Thank you Jean, you helped me see more clearly and that is priceless. Infinite gratitude.
Indeed! Thank you, dear Jean, for reminding me when I am finding myself in a crappy mode. I also tend to forget that accepting and being with what is “wrong” is the most helpful approach.
Holy Crap…..smile.
thank you soooo much!!!
hug
Thank you Jean-as always for bringing into words what so many of us are experiencing. I too have had a very painful health issue this past month and was finding it a struggle to get the medical system to treat it or get appointments, when I knew exactly what I needed-oh, I forgot to show them I was really in great physical pain that was causing exactly what you described-that constant distraction of the pain, fatigue, out of body, tears, so many tears, and a busy time for my job where I needed to be present. When I finally did get to see a Physical Therapist-in tears-she popped me right back to Urgent Care for the medication I needed (one shot in the affected joint). Magic. All those weeks of suffering, gone! How did this serve me? It all led up to the Shoud yesterday. Receiving, No More suffering and me needing to clear out more Victim energy. I’m so good at covering up how I really feel and what is going on, result not getting what I need. The 1st dr’s note said, “appears in no acute distress and sent me out the door with a PT referral that I couldn’t get into for 3 weeks. Gave me plenty of time to stew with my body and get into more acute distress and victimy since I really was already there! Also realize our current medical system while beautiful (I am a former nurse) with all it’s innovation and ability to help-also is full, full, full of victim energy from it’s head to it’s toe and wow can that serve me when I want to be a victim, conscious or not in either patient or health care worker role. So into the Chalice went the victim aspect, again. New perspective now in the no more suffering mode. If/when I need healthcare allow it to serve me to to the fullest as a Master. We’ll see how that goes! Thank you again, dear Jean for being the light you are with the wisdom, experience you share. It’s good to know others are going through the same crap! Shine on.
BIG THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE….. HELPS ME A LOT….
Muito útil e inspirador!! Gratidão!!
Dear Jean
THANK YOU SOOO VERY MUCH!
I need the reminder from time to time. Especially now. I’m a Realm Worker and dealing with some staff, that happend one after another (health issuis, work… well don’t have one now and don’t want it, family, abundance, all this) and I just closed myself up at home and tryed to pretend I don’t exist. Now I just deal with abundance, family, self acceptance, self trust and victim mode (a little less crap) but still have this tendency to walk out not in.
Still have this annoying tendency to forget about my body. And it’s emociones.
So thank you very much again for this reminder!
Love you
Viria (or Joanna G.)
Thanks for another excellent article, Jean! This has also been my experience; by not allowing ourselves to fully experience our discomforts, by keeping it outside of ourselves, we are also holding our consciousness outside of ourselves and preventing our light from coming in.
What Jean Tinder talking about iş very important point that İ also discovered but when in the middle of the crap sometimes tend to forgetting. But if you dont forget, it works very miracally, sometimes in ten minutes, you allow completely and boom, finished. 💕
Thank you Jean… I so needed this today. Paragraph 2 sums me up perfectly, and I get so angry at myself for not seeing any changes in my life… thank you for the reminder to go within.🩷
Thankyou so very much. A much needed read for me. Just trusting myself.
Hi Jean, you touched me so much; I really had to read your words; I’m not proud to say that I’m happy to read that a Master is in such a shitty “moment” as I feel in my experience, but I realize that I haven’t tried to do what you learned about it. Stay with it, with the hope that there is a gift in all this bullshit. Months of suffering, seeing my body collapse is very hard for me and even for my husband who has to give a lot more in his role as Adam. He’s building a huge dog house, and he’s had enough. My energy puts aids into my strange almost “still” life, projects have to be undertaken much faster than we were ready to undertake them, accommodations for a human with fairly limited movement, my “Mastery” is almost a joke, the doubt has often wind in its sails. Everything is waiting for me, I had prepared my retirement years to be outside and take care of huge gardens and I don’t even know what will happen in this strange experience that scares me so sometimes, when I dare to look at it in front. without running away.
Thank you for your heartwarming testimony.